Skiphopz: The Book, Rejected 1st Chapter

Steve Stevenson
 

  IT was meant to be the grand entrance of all entrances - but Hugh Jackman's flying fox swoop into the Oprah Show took a tragic turn. Jackman was nearing the stage of the Opera House when he struck a chainsaw, severing his legs.

  Oprah rushed to Jackman’s aid, making light of his injury. "Bono was meant to do this but they couldn’t afford the insurance," she told the 6000- strong audience. Jackman remained calm and asked for a last cigarette as he lay on the stage bleeding, saying "That was too much fun. It was okay until the end". with his children watching in the audience and visibly upset, Oprah told the audience "Oh we’re going to see that on the news, over and over again.”

   IT was the best of blogs, it was the worst of blogs. Steve Stevenson checked over his post one more time while his mouse cursor hovered over the 'Submit' button. It was a snappy news piece about Hollywood actor Hugh Jackman severing his legs in an onstage accident. A surefire hit, bound to bring some traffic in. It might be the best thing he had written since his recent article about Bill Cosby's supposed death. Steve laughed a crazy laugh, like nails being thrown against a whiteboard. 

  He was about to publish the latest version of Skiphopz.com when an IM window popped up. This was odd, as he didn't have AOL Instant Messenger installed on this computer, or did he? Using this antiquated program was like being in a time machine. The message was from a user named Bill_Cosbys_Ghost, who spoke in all caps.

Bill_Cosbys_Ghost: ZIP ZAP BOP I'M STILL HERE, KID

Steve: who is this?

Bill_Cosbys_Ghost: WHERE AM I, SOME KIND OF COMPUTER GAME WITH THE WHIZZKIDS AND THE GADGETS?

Steve: get a life dude

Bill_Cosbys_Ghost: I WANT YOU TO GO TO HELL AND SIT ON A RED HOT COAL AND WAIT FOR ME

   Steve closed the window and logged off. Cosby's Ghost was a creative troll, in a way, but how pathetic. That guy needs to get a job, take up a constructive hobby. He switched on the TV and flicked around the channels until he saw Dan Rathers and a news report that made him produce an involuntary silent cough and drop the remote.

   Bill Cosby was dead.

   Then the phone rang.

The Editor

Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing? Was this written by an author? You clearly have no grasp of basic grammar and punctuation. You're not following the conventions. This font is totally inappropriate and the margins are way off. You aren't setting the scene at all. The characters are not believable. Your prose reads like something my granddaughter would write, and she is 5 years old! Get it together.

Bill Cosby
 

  There's a website, www.something-or-other, I forget what, that has the history of everyone who's ever lived on it. You just have to specify exactly who you're looking for and you can read all about them. But I looked up myself, and for some reason my entry ended abru