Steve Stevenson
IT was meant to
be the grand entrance of all entrances - but Hugh Jackman's flying
fox swoop into the Oprah Show took a tragic turn. Jackman was nearing
the stage of the Opera House when he struck a chainsaw, severing his
legs.
Oprah rushed to
Jackman’s aid, making light of his injury. "Bono was meant to
do this but they couldn’t afford the insurance," she told the
6000- strong audience. Jackman remained calm and asked for a last
cigarette as he lay on the stage bleeding, saying "That was too
much fun. It was okay until the end". with his children watching
in the audience and visibly upset, Oprah told the audience "Oh
we’re going to see that on the news, over and over again.”
IT was the best of blogs, it was the
worst of blogs. Steve Stevenson checked over his post one more time
while his mouse cursor hovered over the 'Submit' button. It was a
snappy news piece about Hollywood actor Hugh Jackman severing his
legs in an onstage accident. A surefire hit, bound to bring some
traffic in. It might be the best thing he had written since his
recent article about Bill Cosby's supposed death. Steve laughed a
crazy laugh, like nails being thrown against a whiteboard.
He was about to publish the latest
version of Skiphopz.com when an IM window popped up. This was odd, as
he didn't have AOL Instant Messenger installed on this computer, or
did he? Using this antiquated program was like being in a time
machine. The message was from a user named Bill_Cosbys_Ghost, who
spoke in all caps.
Bill_Cosbys_Ghost: ZIP ZAP BOP I'M
STILL HERE, KID
Steve: who is this?
Bill_Cosbys_Ghost: WHERE AM I, SOME
KIND OF COMPUTER GAME WITH THE WHIZZKIDS AND THE GADGETS?
Steve: get a life dude
Bill_Cosbys_Ghost: I WANT YOU TO GO TO
HELL AND SIT ON A RED HOT COAL AND WAIT FOR ME
Steve closed the window and logged
off. Cosby's Ghost was a creative troll, in a way, but how pathetic.
That guy needs to get a job, take up a constructive hobby. He
switched on the TV and flicked around the channels until he saw Dan Rathers and a
news report that made him produce an involuntary silent cough and
drop the remote.
Bill Cosby was dead.
Then the phone rang.
The
Editor
Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing? Was this written by an
author? You clearly have no grasp of basic grammar and punctuation.
You're not following the conventions. This font is totally
inappropriate and the margins are way off. You aren't setting the
scene at all. The characters are not believable. Your prose reads
like something my granddaughter would write, and she is 5 years old!
Get it together.
Bill Cosby
There's
a website, www.something-or-other, I forget what, that has the
history of everyone who's ever lived on it. You just have to specify
exactly who you're looking for and you can read all about them. But I
looked up myself, and for some reason my entry ended abru
" is all about the Jigga Man breaking down some of his famous rap lyrics and telling u the story behind them. It took a long time for the publisher to convince Jigga to write the book, he kept telling them that he doesnt write...he just makes up entire books in his head.
