Tha Kerser - The Nebulizer REVIEWED

The wee laddie KERSER made a name for himself by (alledgedly) selling 3000 copies of his hot mixtape, without any distro or even brushing his teeth. I also writted about his youtube video which has blown up. His name has created quite a buzz around the homeland of Aussie hip hop; Sydney's North Shore, causing lads to shout "Kerser is the sickest" in the streets.

Now THE NEBULIZER is released, the debut (or 'de butt', as the case may be) album from infamous lad rapper KERSER.

The hotbeats on this album were made by Uncle Nevs from Goonbag Radio. There are some cool joints with innovating rhythms more common to a discotech of the 1940s (Hitler Rap) but with a lot more swearing. These dumb Casio ringtone beats are enough to leave the true rap pioneers spinning in their graves.

This lad will go down in history as the true Aussie Eminem...if Eminem was produced by a shitty Justice cover band. The best track on THE NEBULIZER is "Gonna Get Hi Today", a smooth R&B joint all about smoking your boyfriend's cock. Think about that for a minute.



All of the hooks are terrible, with dumb lyrics like "Do the KERS bitch". These songs are sure to be a huge hit among blithering idiots with no mental capacity. There are also some guest appearances from some lame nobodies in Kerser's crew that will have you throwing bottles at your stereo and yelling at it to stop.

The topics covered by THE KERSER'S range from "Kerser is the sickest" and "Kerser is the dopest" to "Don't fuck with Kerser". Something for everyone...as long as youre a lad on Kerser's dick. THE NEBULIZER seems to be a pretty popular album so far, it even made top of the pops on iTunes! It's a shame Kerser swears so much and is a total jerk to everyone he meets...otherwise his music would get major airplay on Nova for sure!

I give this album a thumbs up. 4 Harolds out of 5, but don't take my word for it.


How can u argue with this? (Pic from Kerser's Facebook page)

Get to know Kerser...THE KERSER FACTS:

• He doesnt own a suit (why would he?)
• He has the Chinese symbol for "I suck dirty dicks for money" tattooed on his arse
• He got the idea to become a rapper when he saw Will Smith in Wild Wild West
• Other lads refer to KERSER as "The Chosen One"
• His cousin is Andrew G from Video Hits
• The Devil tried to buy his soul at the crossroads but Kerser's crew rolled him and ran off with his shoes
• He has a huge dick, that thing is friggin ginormous. He showed it to me on MSN.

RAPPER REPORT CARD
THE KERSER
Vocabulary: 6
Articulation: 8
Creativity: 7
Originality: 8
Versatility: 8
Voice: 6
Records: 7
Stage Presence: 7
Sticking to Themes: 6
Innovating Rhythms: 9
72/100, C
"Take Pride in Your Work"

OMG its Trilly Tuesdays!

Following the popularity of Casual Fridays, Snitching Saturdays and Wanking at School Wednesdays, there is another weekly date that real headz have programmed into their Palm Pilot(TM)...TRILLY TUESDAYS.

Aussie lad THE TRILL (a.k.a The Buoy Fiddler (see earlier post)) has uploaded an amazing 29 songs so far, with a new song appearing someday between Monday and Wednesday every week. I checked out a few songs to give u my expert opinion...

Track 29 "At the Speed of Life"
This is an amazing ballad that we can all relate to, the whole song is about getting on a bus. Apparently fare dodging on public transport is a core theme for Trill.

Track 19 "Cool Story Bro"
Bros tuning in expecting to hear a song with many cool stories will be disappointed by this track. Its an emo ballad that drags on for about 15 minutes.

Track 16 "Tradie Money"
Now we get to hear THE TRILL rap about how poor he is, with so many levels of irony its hard to work out wtf is happening. This song is about 5 minutes too long.


Check out all da bangers at http://www.trillytuesdays.com/

Rapper Report Card
,._.,-*^~*-,._.,-~>TRILL THE BUOY FIDDLER<~-,._.,-*~^~*-,._.,

Vocabulary: 7

Articulation: 5

Creativity: 9

Originality: 8

Versatility: 8

Voice: 5

Records: 1

Stage Presence: 6

Sticking to Themes: 10

Innovating Rhythms: 7

SCORE: 66/100
D+"see me after class"

LINDSAY LOHAN JOINS THE 27 CLUB

BREAKING NEWS
Troubled kart racing actress and karaoke singer LINDSAY LOHAN has died at the tragically young age of 27.

A spokesperson for the Los Angeles Police Department told reporters that Lohan was involved in a multi-car crash earlier this morning. It is unclear whether drugs or alcohol played a part in the accident. Her body was found by a cyclist who proceeded to stip off her clothes, roll her over and cut off her fingers and toes with a pocket knife. The missing digits were later confiscated by police, after they turned up on eBay listed as "lot of 10 delicious edible freedom nuggets".

Many Hollywood celebrities have expressed their grief over Lindsay Lohan's death since it was announced by Dan Rather on CNN. Rapper Drake was particularly distraught, tweeting "my brothers...we may never see a talent like her kind ever again, R.I.P".

The death is ironic because Lohan recently started working at a morgue, in an attempt to pay off her student loans. She was on probation after being caught stealing watches and wedding rings from the dead bodies. Last month Lohan escaped from the morgue and made her way to Tallahassee, Florida where she rented an apartment near Florida State University under the name Chris Hagen. She managed to buy food and pay her way at local college bars with stolen credit cards.

On Saturday, October 1, Lohan broke into Florida State University's Chi Omega sorority house and bludgeoned and strangled to death two women, raping one of them and brutally biting her on her buttocks and one nipple. She beat two others over the head with a log. They survived which investigators attribute to fellow roommate Nita Neary, who came home and interrupted Lohan before she was able to kill the other two victims.


Lohan's trademark death stare

Lohan began her dick sucking career at a young age and used those skills to leverage a role on popular sitcom The Cosby Show. It was the beginning of an amazing career on stage and screen that spanned 2 decades. Her magnum opus 'Mean Girls' was released to critical acclaim in 2004, winning her an Oscar for best actress. MTV will be holding a special memorial for her on Friday.

Things Bogans Like, the unofficial music video