KERSER IS THE SICKEST!!!!!!!!11!1!1111

#1 KERSER FANPAGE ON THE WEB

POWERED BY SKIP HOPZ DOT COM

TIME and time again the best pure musicians of our time are being ignored and neglected by the ivory-tower establishment just because they play in the battle-rap genre. KERSER changed the game when he appeared on the scene, Aussie rap will never be the same again...it is also a well known fact that he defeated 360 in battle during the most hyped contest since Muhammad Ali defeated the Raging Bull, making him the reigning queen bee of the rap scene.

A YOUNG MAN OF THE STREETS, FROM THE STREETS

• Kerser enjoys watching rugby league
• Kerser knows his Centrelink customer identification number
• Kerser makes offhand comments about local, state or government politicians, indicating that he could do a better job if he was in charge
• Kerser has a casual attitude towards work
• Kerser hardly ever recycles, and he never rinses out bottles before recycling them

KERSER THROUGH THE AGES

The legend of Kerser began in 1873 when a young buck appeared on the battle scene after defeating Abraham Lincoln, 360 and Napoleon in acapella battles. Soon after he met his homeboy Tommy Edison (a.k.a T-SON) who invented the phonograph so Kerser could finally be recorded and the rest is history.

THE KERSER ATROCITIES

The Voyager Golden Records are phonograph records which were included aboard the Voyager spacecraft. They contain sounds and images selected to portray the diversity of life and culture on Earth, and are intended for any intelligent extraterrestrial life form, or for future humans, who may find them. Not a single Kerser song was included. I hope it flies into the sun.

KERSER FOR PRIME MINISTER?

Many fans have wished for Kerser to enter politics although the man himself has declined to comment about it. I photocopied the local council election form 1000 times and managed to get Kerser elected as my local council treasurer but they gave the job to someone else when he didnt turn up for any meetings and there was some crisis about the staff not being paid? Get your head in the game Kerser, we expect better from you!

KERSER WINAMP SKINS

comming soon!

KERSER WALLPAPER

pimp your desktop, Kerser style (click for full size!!)

R.A.P.E.D - Real Ass People Every Day

Skiphopz, the top internet authority on rap singing, is giving shouts out to RAPED. These guys go hard...but dont think that they are a crew of rape victims, it stands for REAL ASS PEOPLE EVERY DAY. and thats what their raps are all about.



RAPED takes the backing tracks from popular urban ballads by performers such as Lil Wayne and Jay-Z, and replaces the lyrics with straight goonin. Highly recommended for those of you with a high musical IQ.

Download free mixtape: http://www.datpiff.com/RAPED-sexcore-mixtape.295743.html

Tha Kerser - The Nebulizer REVIEWED

The wee laddie KERSER made a name for himself by (alledgedly) selling 3000 copies of his hot mixtape, without any distro or even brushing his teeth. I also writted about his youtube video which has blown up. His name has created quite a buzz around the homeland of Aussie hip hop; Sydney's North Shore, causing lads to shout "Kerser is the sickest" in the streets.

Now THE NEBULIZER is released, the debut (or 'de butt', as the case may be) album from infamous lad rapper KERSER.

The hotbeats on this album were made by Uncle Nevs from Goonbag Radio. There are some cool joints with innovating rhythms more common to a discotech of the 1940s (Hitler Rap) but with a lot more swearing. These dumb Casio ringtone beats are enough to leave the true rap pioneers spinning in their graves.

This lad will go down in history as the true Aussie Eminem...if Eminem was produced by a shitty Justice cover band. The best track on THE NEBULIZER is "Gonna Get Hi Today", a smooth R&B joint all about smoking your boyfriend's cock. Think about that for a minute.



All of the hooks are terrible, with dumb lyrics like "Do the KERS bitch". These songs are sure to be a huge hit among blithering idiots with no mental capacity. There are also some guest appearances from some lame nobodies in Kerser's crew that will have you throwing bottles at your stereo and yelling at it to stop.

The topics covered by THE KERSER'S range from "Kerser is the sickest" and "Kerser is the dopest" to "Don't fuck with Kerser". Something for everyone...as long as youre a lad on Kerser's dick. THE NEBULIZER seems to be a pretty popular album so far, it even made top of the pops on iTunes! It's a shame Kerser swears so much and is a total jerk to everyone he meets...otherwise his music would get major airplay on Nova for sure!

I give this album a thumbs up. 4 Harolds out of 5, but don't take my word for it.


How can u argue with this? (Pic from Kerser's Facebook page)

Get to know Kerser...THE KERSER FACTS:

• He doesnt own a suit (why would he?)
• He has the Chinese symbol for "I suck dirty dicks for money" tattooed on his arse
• He got the idea to become a rapper when he saw Will Smith in Wild Wild West
• Other lads refer to KERSER as "The Chosen One"
• His cousin is Andrew G from Video Hits
• The Devil tried to buy his soul at the crossroads but Kerser's crew rolled him and ran off with his shoes
• He has a huge dick, that thing is friggin ginormous. He showed it to me on MSN.

RAPPER REPORT CARD
THE KERSER
Vocabulary: 6
Articulation: 8
Creativity: 7
Originality: 8
Versatility: 8
Voice: 6
Records: 7
Stage Presence: 7
Sticking to Themes: 6
Innovating Rhythms: 9
72/100, C
"Take Pride in Your Work"

SkipHopz CRIBS: PEZ

Young man of the streets PEZ is one of the most attractive men in the rap scene. He invited me into his home for an exclusive look at his opulent crib.

PEZ met me at Circular Quay where we took a luxury yaucht to his waterfront crib. I was surprised when we sailed into a cave and were greeted by a fly bitch in an orange shirt.



PEZ's crib is a giant underground cavern! As he lead me deeper into the complex I started to notice shelves upon shelves of food. I asked if he was preparing for the apocalypse or some disaster, he explained that some of the food was here when he moved in (PEZ bought the cavern from a crew of pirates in 2008) and that was what started his obsession with eating expired foodstuffs! As he told me this he started eating a discoloured Mars bar "1991, good vintage".

I looked more closely at the shelves and it was true, here was a pack of Mentos 15 years over its best before date, a carton of milk 'use by Jan 16 2011'.

PEZ says that certain foods can miraculously change once they pass their use-by date, like Jesus emerging from the cave after being crucified or a caterpillar becoming a magnificent butterfly. "Only suckers buy sour cream," he explained "I just buy some regular cream and wait a few weeks". Other foods simply taste better once they have matured. PEZ says chocolate never goes bad, it turns white and is apparently delicious. One of his favourite snacks is mouldy bread toasted and served with Vegemite from the 1960s.

PEZ tells me that collecting expired food is half the fun, "Bins out the back of restaurants and supermarkets can be a goldmine for the expired food eater. You never know what you will find. I don't know why everyone eats brand new food when there is so much great old food out there waiting to be consumed!"

The health issues are not a major concern for the boy rapper, "I got sick a few times and my doctor told me to stop eating expired food. But doctors and scientists dont know everything".


Shit was so cash

PEZ's one piece of advice for aspiring rap singers: "Eat as much expired food as you can, the older the better!"