PETITION TO GET KERSER ON THE EMINEM TOUR INSTEAD OF 360

Kerser is a rapper that has more credit and respect in Australia than 360 does. Kerser has so many similarities to Eminem. He made himself from rags to riches. He started by battling and hustling mixtapes a lot like Eminem. He has had no support from media or radio. NIL! And still his albums and DVD debut at number1. His youtube channel has over 10 million views. Kerser's subject matter and style fits in more with Eminem and Kendrick Lamar than 360 ever will. 360 is only on the bill because of management and radio play! 

  SIGN THE PETITION NOW

Kerser's new album and the secret Kerser knowledge they don't want you to know

With Kerser's new album "SICKEST CUNT OUT THERE" soon to hit Kazaa and Limewire it is the perfect time to reveal some knowledge best left untouched...

Scientists excavating Saddam's tomb in Baghdad have found ancient scrolls written in Greek and Latin which tell the story of Kerser. They gave the scrolls the name K-Bible. These scrolls are giving many answers to the world's most unanswered secrets and mysteries.

We now know that Kerser created the world and nature, as the 2/3 god he is. And then was born as a man in 1987. Kerser appears to be coming out as a man to help our world when he thinks it is necessary. The scrolls mention few famous names from our world's history who are considered to be Kerser too (Caeser and Napoleon are just 2 of'em). 

According to the K-Bible, the Inkas are considered to be the first civilization to acknowledge Kerser's mightiness, and to believe in him as the world's ruler. As this world's commissioner, Kerser communicates with 2,194,002 other worlds. Since the smart Inkas, our world lives in sin, so Skip Hopz Dot Com, in association with Da Russian Spammorz, The Chinese Hackors and Da Skript Kiddiez, has taken the responsibility of spreading the K-Bible and making the world a better place.

K-Bible also tells the story of how Kerser died (yes it's true Kerser has died many times). 3 days later his body was found missing from the shallow grave where he passed out, he was alive and well.

Kerser, the best rapper ever, earned 72 PHDs when he was only 5. He changed the world by giving it computers (he invented the transistor and the microprocessor), when he graduated from high school, he added 163 more PHDs. In sports, Kerser was just awesome. He won national titles in basketball, football, baseball, track & field, soccer and chess. After each and every university begged him to join in order to teach the professors, Kerser chose to pursue the path of the Lad. After going back in time to 1979 and showing KRS-One how to rap, he began working on his debut album and the rest is history.

Rapper Kerser to be Killed by RSPCA

Our worst fears have finally come true, Aussie rap superstar KERSER now faces the death penalty after he was reportedly seized and detained by the RSPCA.

File photo of Kerser smoking a funny smelling cigarette

Kerser allegedly escaped from his Sydney home and ventured into the backyard of a neighbour who reported him to the authorities. Kerser is scheduled to be euthanised June 3rd, 2013 at 5 PM based solely on his looks. At the last moment, Kerser received a temporary stay of execution while the case is reviewed.

Relatives claim Kerser "has always been a loving, gentle and playful boy. He has never harmed anyone and is a valuable member of Jade's family."

Kerser has recently released his second studio album and had plans to tour nationally but this has been put on hold while his case is decided.

Achtung! Child Rapper 360 Missing, Feared Kidnapped!

Legendary Austrian rapper 360 has been missing since Monday and many fear he has been kidnapped.

The troubles started on Sunday night, 360's mum said he didn't return home for dinner. Earlier in the day he apparently said "I'm going out to rap". Several sources close to the 360 family say he was going to battle his nemesis Kerser (the sickest).

an artist's impression of 360 chained up in a basement, kidnapped by the Ministry of Sound

360's Facebook page went into full scale meltdown as the news spread. Many fans shared the status "Where is 360?" and expressed their outrage that his bodyguards would allow Kerser to make a move. Is this all part of Kerser's devious endgame?

The Victorian Police declined to comment on the matter. We here at Skiphopz.com hope they will join us in praying for the safe return of oz hiphopper 360.

To all the young rappers out there: please keep it on wax.

The news of 360's kidnapping comes as Kerser revealed on Facebook that he has AIDS. He contracted the fatal disease by sharing needles with his lads. Our hearts go out to Kerser and his crew of runabouts.

MC Kerser: Ready for War

SKIPHOPZ favourite KERSER has been unfairly attacked by many haters and clowns since he changed the rap game. Yesterday he spoke out on a popular internet message board, taking the opportunity to set the record straight about haters.

why dont u tell us how u really feel lol!

The issue of whether Kerser is the sickest has polarised opinion in the aussie hip hop community. Many fans have criticised Kerser for writing idiotic songs about the dumbest shit, but he paid though. He paid. He so paid. He makin money. He gettin dat paper currency in his pants pocket or purse.

However 360 recently bought a million dollar apartment. Looks like Kerser was defeated by 360 again!

KERSER IS THE SICKEST!!!!!!!!11!1!1111

#1 KERSER FANPAGE ON THE WEB

POWERED BY SKIP HOPZ DOT COM

TIME and time again the best pure musicians of our time are being ignored and neglected by the ivory-tower establishment just because they play in the battle-rap genre. KERSER changed the game when he appeared on the scene, Aussie rap will never be the same again...it is also a well known fact that he defeated 360 in battle during the most hyped contest since Muhammad Ali defeated the Raging Bull, making him the reigning queen bee of the rap scene.

A YOUNG MAN OF THE STREETS, FROM THE STREETS

• Kerser enjoys watching rugby league
• Kerser knows his Centrelink customer identification number
• Kerser makes offhand comments about local, state or government politicians, indicating that he could do a better job if he was in charge
• Kerser has a casual attitude towards work
• Kerser hardly ever recycles, and he never rinses out bottles before recycling them

KERSER THROUGH THE AGES

The legend of Kerser began in 1873 when a young buck appeared on the battle scene after defeating Abraham Lincoln, 360 and Napoleon in acapella battles. Soon after he met his homeboy Tommy Edison (a.k.a T-SON) who invented the phonograph so Kerser could finally be recorded and the rest is history.

THE KERSER ATROCITIES

The Voyager Golden Records are phonograph records which were included aboard the Voyager spacecraft. They contain sounds and images selected to portray the diversity of life and culture on Earth, and are intended for any intelligent extraterrestrial life form, or for future humans, who may find them. Not a single Kerser song was included. I hope it flies into the sun.

KERSER FOR PRIME MINISTER?

Many fans have wished for Kerser to enter politics although the man himself has declined to comment about it. I photocopied the local council election form 1000 times and managed to get Kerser elected as my local council treasurer but they gave the job to someone else when he didnt turn up for any meetings and there was some crisis about the staff not being paid? Get your head in the game Kerser, we expect better from you!

KERSER WINAMP SKINS

comming soon!

KERSER WALLPAPER

pimp your desktop, Kerser style (click for full size!!)

Local Rapper Kerser Dead

Two weeks after disappearing during a police chase, the body of rapper Scott Barrow has been found and preliminarily identified. The 18 year old man from Western Sydney was better known by his rap alias 'Kerser'.

On Tuesday a pathologist conducted an autopsy on Barrow’s body. The test found he had died by drowning and that his death was accidental. On January 1st Barrow reportedly ran from police after being involved in a car accident with his girlfriend, less than a mile from where his body was found. Police said he was last seen fleeing along the banks of the river near the intersection of Carrington and Lincoln East, when an officer said he heard a "sploshhh."

"His last words to me were that he promised he'd call when he made it, wherever he was going” Barrow’s girlfriend Allison James recalled. With no phone call, loved ones handed out flyers for more than a week, hoping they’d locate Kerser alive. Then on Monday afternoon, South Bend firefighters pulled a body from the Hawkesbury River near Howard Park. "When we got that phone call we just took off. We knew it was him and it was so hard” Barrow’s older sister Marion said.

Crews rushed to the scene and pulled in the body as it was floating downstream. Autopsy results showed no bruise marks or injuries consistent with foul play. Even so, Metro Homicide is conducting its own investigation just to be safe.

The young lad's untimely death has left his many fans shocked and distraught. Kerser leaves behind an impressive legacy, an acclaimed debut album, the ubiquitous catchphrase "Kerser is the sickest" and his famous dance "doing the Kerser". Fans expressed their grief through Twitter, with Kerser's lifelong friend Iggy Azalea tweeting "He was the sickest, rap will never be the same. He is Australia's Biggy Smalls. Taken before his time #RIPkerser".



u can click on the amazon link to buy Kerser's album he recorded back when he was alive...

Tha Kerser - The Nebulizer REVIEWED

The wee laddie KERSER made a name for himself by (alledgedly) selling 3000 copies of his hot mixtape, without any distro or even brushing his teeth. I also writted about his youtube video which has blown up. His name has created quite a buzz around the homeland of Aussie hip hop; Sydney's North Shore, causing lads to shout "Kerser is the sickest" in the streets.

Now THE NEBULIZER is released, the debut (or 'de butt', as the case may be) album from infamous lad rapper KERSER.

The hotbeats on this album were made by Uncle Nevs from Goonbag Radio. There are some cool joints with innovating rhythms more common to a discotech of the 1940s (Hitler Rap) but with a lot more swearing. These dumb Casio ringtone beats are enough to leave the true rap pioneers spinning in their graves.

This lad will go down in history as the true Aussie Eminem...if Eminem was produced by a shitty Justice cover band. The best track on THE NEBULIZER is "Gonna Get Hi Today", a smooth R&B joint all about smoking your boyfriend's cock. Think about that for a minute.



All of the hooks are terrible, with dumb lyrics like "Do the KERS bitch". These songs are sure to be a huge hit among blithering idiots with no mental capacity. There are also some guest appearances from some lame nobodies in Kerser's crew that will have you throwing bottles at your stereo and yelling at it to stop.

The topics covered by THE KERSER'S range from "Kerser is the sickest" and "Kerser is the dopest" to "Don't fuck with Kerser". Something for everyone...as long as youre a lad on Kerser's dick. THE NEBULIZER seems to be a pretty popular album so far, it even made top of the pops on iTunes! It's a shame Kerser swears so much and is a total jerk to everyone he meets...otherwise his music would get major airplay on Nova for sure!

I give this album a thumbs up. 4 Harolds out of 5, but don't take my word for it.


How can u argue with this? (Pic from Kerser's Facebook page)

Get to know Kerser...THE KERSER FACTS:

• He doesnt own a suit (why would he?)
• He has the Chinese symbol for "I suck dirty dicks for money" tattooed on his arse
• He got the idea to become a rapper when he saw Will Smith in Wild Wild West
• Other lads refer to KERSER as "The Chosen One"
• His cousin is Andrew G from Video Hits
• The Devil tried to buy his soul at the crossroads but Kerser's crew rolled him and ran off with his shoes
• He has a huge dick, that thing is friggin ginormous. He showed it to me on MSN.

RAPPER REPORT CARD
THE KERSER
Vocabulary: 6
Articulation: 8
Creativity: 7
Originality: 8
Versatility: 8
Voice: 6
Records: 7
Stage Presence: 7
Sticking to Themes: 6
Innovating Rhythms: 9
72/100, C
"Take Pride in Your Work"

Rolling in their grave: KERSER

IN a new regular feature I will explain which classic rappers are spinning in their graves due to the shitty new rap music of today...

The infamous KERSER is a battle raper from Sydney-town who is causing quite a stir on the facebook. Recently he boasted that his youtube video has 100000 views, big fucking deal. Many have put the hate on The Kerser because he is the most popular lad rapper in the country and the only battle MC who is openly gay. Despite these flaws most rap fans agree that he does indeed spit hot fyre, its probably better if we give in to his demands and step back for fear of being burned!


The Kerser in the booth during a steamy recording session

THE KERSER made a name for himself after an intense freestyle battle in the carpark after a Got Beef event, and when I say instense freestyle battle I mean stabbing a hobo to death with one of his many knives. Word on the streets says he was also seen in the area of the Black Saturday Bushfires in 2009 packing flint and steel, and he refuses to answer questions about his involvement with the Beaumont children.

For the above reasons and many more, P DIDDY is rolling in his grave.