Kerser's new album and the secret Kerser knowledge they don't want you to know

With Kerser's new album "SICKEST CUNT OUT THERE" soon to hit Kazaa and Limewire it is the perfect time to reveal some knowledge best left untouched...

Scientists excavating Saddam's tomb in Baghdad have found ancient scrolls written in Greek and Latin which tell the story of Kerser. They gave the scrolls the name K-Bible. These scrolls are giving many answers to the world's most unanswered secrets and mysteries.

We now know that Kerser created the world and nature, as the 2/3 god he is. And then was born as a man in 1987. Kerser appears to be coming out as a man to help our world when he thinks it is necessary. The scrolls mention few famous names from our world's history who are considered to be Kerser too (Caeser and Napoleon are just 2 of'em). 

According to the K-Bible, the Inkas are considered to be the first civilization to acknowledge Kerser's mightiness, and to believe in him as the world's ruler. As this world's commissioner, Kerser communicates with 2,194,002 other worlds. Since the smart Inkas, our world lives in sin, so Skip Hopz Dot Com, in association with Da Russian Spammorz, The Chinese Hackors and Da Skript Kiddiez, has taken the responsibility of spreading the K-Bible and making the world a better place.

K-Bible also tells the story of how Kerser died (yes it's true Kerser has died many times). 3 days later his body was found missing from the shallow grave where he passed out, he was alive and well.

Kerser, the best rapper ever, earned 72 PHDs when he was only 5. He changed the world by giving it computers (he invented the transistor and the microprocessor), when he graduated from high school, he added 163 more PHDs. In sports, Kerser was just awesome. He won national titles in basketball, football, baseball, track & field, soccer and chess. After each and every university begged him to join in order to teach the professors, Kerser chose to pursue the path of the Lad. After going back in time to 1979 and showing KRS-One how to rap, he began working on his debut album and the rest is history.

Rap News Roundup - September 2013

Disgraced diva Rihanna was looking no worse for wear following her kidnapping at the hands of Somali Pirates. She was seen at the beach hollering something about a tsunami warning system, whatever that means. I think she was looking for a marine biologist but nobody could understand her accent. The water at this beach has receded really far!

Rap superstar Eminem walked into the Detroit DMV and announced he would pay for everyone's motor vehicle insurance. He was in a great mood until I began to pester him with questions. Pestered him for a good 5 minutes before his handlers escorted me away. Still no word on Detox, btw.

Reports indicate that vegan rapper Phatchance was seen at a local park surrounded by kittens. He had a variety of nuts and legumes roasting on the communal BBQ. He asked if I wanted a 'steak' as I slowly backed away and broke into a mad dash.

I spotted Ludacris at my 5-year-old cousin's birthday party on the weekend. Luda was folding party balloons into obscene shapes and waving them around. Nobody invited him but he was definitely the life of the party!

Your Boy Bangs has allegedly locked himself in a sporting goods store and is staging mock battles from WW2 using cricket equipment. Perhaps filming a viral video for his new mixtape?

"Saint West", Kanye Canonized by Catholic Church

"Saint West", Kanye Canonized by Catholic Church

Reuters
Vatican City
June 26, 2013

In a move that has shocked religious fanatics around the globe, Pope Francis has named Kanye West as an official Saint of the Catholic Church.

The announcement was especially surprising because the process of canonization usually takes decades. Francis told reporters that he "Stepped up and made an executive decision" by making Kanye a Saint, effective immediately. He continued, "Kanye is the greatest producer to ever live, he has changed the rap game several times since bringing the soul sound back with his dope album 'The College Dropout'. And his rhymes are off the hook as well."

'Da Hip Hop Pope' shares a bong with worshippers in downtown Chicago

Potential Saints must perform at least 3 (three) miracles before they can be accepted into the pantheon. Pope Francis cited the famous car accident in 2002, which Kanye escaped with his life and a broken jaw. The other miracles cited were Kanye West's "visionary beats and compelling rhymes".

Kanye has spoken about his faith many times and referenced it in his songs such as 'Jesus Walks' and 'I am a God', the latter is from his latest album 'Yeezus'.

When asked for comment Kanye said he would consider moving to Heaven to live with the other saints, but it would not be the end of his career. He tweeted a message to his fans indicating he deserved to be even higher in the Church, he could still become Pope, Archangel, Jesus Christ or even God.

A new portrait of Saint West has been commissioned to hang in the Vatican lobby

Fellow rap megastar Drake was less than impressed with the news. He took out his phone and waved it around, trying to show reporters a photo of an Indian totem-pole with his face crudley carved into the side "Look I'mma God too!"

GLOBAL WARMING HOAX EXPOSED -exclusive

it has come to the attention of SKIP HOPZ DOT COM that the global warming hoax is still tricking some unsurspecting newspapper writters and sciencepeople. here I will tell u the facts of the mattar...

let me explain, for 1 thing, that scientists and sciencewomen dont even agree on the basic "facts".

• is the sea level rising or falling? (hint: tide goes in, tide goes out)
• is hotness measured in celsius or farenheight?
• what temp does ice melt at?
• is the sun orbiting closer to earth during warm period? (known as "sun orbit theory")

EPIC FAIL

some ppl would tell u that an extreme hurricane or storm happen because globe is warming...WRONG! using this same logic I can suggest that adolf hitler was feeling a bit warm when he declared world war 1. what if the austrian archduke was feeling a bit warm so he decided to take a stroll into the fire of a gunman??? OH NO GLOBAL WARM IS DA MAJOR VILLAN!!! KILL WHITEY!!!

also allow me to mention that hurricane arent exactly a warm thing...

"oh no, warming caused this hurricane!!!" (said a dumb person)

the so called "solution" for the alledged warming? these blockheads propose to put a TAX on carbon.

smh...

FIRST of all, carbon is SIMPLE HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY that exist within every single cell in the planet. u cant put a tax on that...it would be like putting a tax on smoking weed. the goverment has no right to control it. for example the goverment puts a ban on ricin and walter white can cook up a batch in his meth lab no problem. BAM. your dead...

SECONDLY, carbon is only 0.1% of the air. even if u put a total ban on carbon (zero tolerance policy) we will have 99% global warming! and thats incredible!

GLOBAL FUCKING COOLING

how about this: turn on a air conditioner (a wonderful invention these hippies and Al Gore probably never heard of). problem solved. #dealwithit
better yet...build bigger air conditioner all over the polar ice...no more warming. ron paul was saying this since 2008.

Rap Superstar Eminem Dead at 39

It is with a heavy heart that I inform readers of SKIP HOPZ DOT COM that The Global Daily is reporting Eminem to be dead.

According to early reports that are spreading via Twitter, Marshall Mathers was found dead after a suspected drug overdose. Some fans report a mysterious youtube video called "Free Trill" being uploaded by the rapper, but it has been deleted.

Many squatters, beatniks and adventurers have already descended on Eminem's estate and are holding an impromptu music festival and bonfire dedicated to the rapper Trill and his short but dramatic career, claiming "It's what Eminem would've wanted". A local fire department spokesperson was quoted saying "Those kids can do whatever they want, it's not like we can stop them. If they want to burn down Eminem's house that's their prerogative as citizens of our great country. But I think his family is still inside, oh well".

Researchers are unable to find out who 'Trill' is, or if he ever existed at all. Academic Bill Reynolds was at the scene, "These people see The Trill's imprisonment as a metaphor for all control systems, for all vampiric systems whether it be capital punishment, abuse of political power, police states, etc. If The Trill is a stimulus to your imagination, fine. Let your imagination be stimulated. We all have a Trill inside us. But you should not confuse metaphors and imaginative leaps with understanding; they may be a help to understanding, but then we await the understanding to make judgments. I think there's also plenty of reason for caution".

Goodnight, sweet prince #freeTrill

Bias B Dead

 

 Rest in Peace young brother

Legendary Aussie rapper BIAS B was killed today in a tragic train accident. Witnesses report he jumped down onto the train tracks to save a child who had fallen there. As he handed the young boy to safety the express train came roaring into the station. As tears ran down his face Bias B turned to the strangers on the platform and said "Tell my wife I love her always-" before he was crushed under the steel carriage.

Panicked onlookers screamed at the paramedics telling them to save him but the doctor simply said "I cant bring back the dead bro, call a necromancer" as he scraped bloody remains from the rubble.

Local police have said the death should be a lesson to all rappers and members of the public, they should always wait until the green man comes on the sine.

Bias B was an icon to Sydney rap fans, with classic releases like Bee'z Wax and In Bed With Bias that still get copped by new listeners and bumped on the regular at house parties and the like. A vocal member of the Lyric Commission Crew, Bias was a staunch supporter of the Aussie hip hop scene. Many fans report that Bias B's music is perfect for blazing and he will be sorely missed. He was also a notorious graffiti vandal that escaped police capture by running away. Channel V will be screening a special memorial for Bias B on Sunday.

illuminati pyramids on the moon...obama bird flu apocalypse in 2012

The illuminati is a group of evil white dudes that have been trying to rule the world since the begginning of time… in the beginnning reptilians were placed on this planet to have sex with humans and make a new race, a hybrid race that will live on Earth until its end and there goal is to control everything. They are some of the richest people on earth, they control our government and celeberties are used as puppets that are controlled by them… The media is under complete control by them… They want to create the new world order and they are doing it in the process… The illuminati control the media, and politics. There are known members, like Jay-z, Diddy, Jermaine Dupri, DJ Clue. They worship satan, and are working towards a new world order. And yes, the illuminati did kill tupac. He spoke out against them and he was shot soon after. So did michael jackson, and JFK. They want to create a “one world government”. They are going to dissolve the borders and put computer chips into our hands and foreheads. Some of us will be killed, and some will be used as puppets. If you don’t believe me, do some research. Youtube has plenty of videos on it. And the reason they don’t remove the videos is because it would draw more attention to it. And most people think it’s all bull, so they arent worried. But just keep an open mind! Illuminati controls the media. (ex. Government, music, and everything.) its better to do research on your own. Just look at your local Taco Bell sign. The bell has an eye. The symbol used most by Illuminati is the eye in the pyramid. ITS EVERYWHERE. 1 Dollar bills. Nick Jr. Everyday movies. Another used symbol is 911. Again its a movies. On Gremlins 2 the first reporters microphone has a “9″ and the reporter that has the microphone right next to it has “11″ 911. 911 is the emergency hotline. Check what Illuminati.com backwards (Itanimulli.com) redirects to...They’re not a real tight group though. It’s more of a network of influential people. It’s alot of entertainers. The Illuminati does have some rappers. Busta Rhymes was Illuminati. the rapper Guru led the Nyc Illuminati for awhile. DJ Clue has his NY group of Illuminati. One of their plans at the moment is to make a mixtape with all the hot artists on it...all the hot rappers and producers are being brought together by the Illuminati! Clue was kicked out of the Illuminati for talking too much on his mix tapes. He always bragged about his group on tapes called the “Clue, Clue, Cluminati”. The Illuminati aren’t a big thing anymore. They started alot of fighting amongst themselves. The FBI took apart alot of those secret societies. The Illuminati was known for changing leadership alot. People were constantly fighting for leadership of the group. There are several branches of the Illuminati, it’s not just one group. There was a west coast branch, an east coast branch and the group in Asia. Don’t even worry about Tupac. He’s still alive. So is Biggie Smalls. For real, that’s the truth. Sometimes they fake their death and reappear under a new identity. I know the guy who was Tupac, he’s pretty cool, he’s still alive for real. The Illuminati had put out a death warrant on Tupac for talking too much to the media. Biggie Smalls is still alive too but he’s using a different identity now. Whenever you hear that a celebrity has died, don’t even stress over it. They keep one identity here and another identity there. Nas used to be D Nice of Boogie Down Productions. Most people never noticed. Janet Jackson wasn’t selling as many cd’s so she started using Rhianna name and image to make new songs. That guy that played Judge Harry Stone on Nightcourt became Jerry Seinfeld. They switch identities to keep it seeming new. Illuminati is real i think but don’t just go look up any thing cuz for one there alot of bull shit on the web from what i understand is that they think god was to hared on the devil they think he should have got another chances so they believe he is still as gorgeous as he was when he was a angle and to let u you know the free mason and skulls and bones society are part of the Illuminati. i think there is one other one 2 from what i have read most of the riches people in the world are in it there are 17 families. There Is No Medicine Like An All Natural Key Lime Pie......One Time "Captain Kutchie Pelaez" Was In The Hospital For Kidney Stones And Was Labeled A Combative Patient When He Found Out That The Hospital Kitchen Staff Were Skimping On Ingedients In Their Key Lime Pies.....Well Seriously What The Hell Do You Expect When The King Of Key Lime (Lord Of Lords) Finds Out That Someone Has Been Perverting The Purest Of The Pure......As Our Friend "Clint" Eastwood Might Say "Make My Day!!!!!the new world order is suppose to create peace cuz its going to be a world with one government for everyone… wich means there will be peace…. they are gonna have to put fear into people and reduce the population in order for the new world order to work… its all suppose to happen in 2012… remember guys on the strong minded people will survive the events that will take place in 2012… everything will be staged too make it seem real to the people and convincing enough to put fear in people… human are basically just cattle that will be slaughtered if needed to be…

SkipHopz CRIBS: PEZ

Young man of the streets PEZ is one of the most attractive men in the rap scene. He invited me into his home for an exclusive look at his opulent crib.

PEZ met me at Circular Quay where we took a luxury yaucht to his waterfront crib. I was surprised when we sailed into a cave and were greeted by a fly bitch in an orange shirt.



PEZ's crib is a giant underground cavern! As he lead me deeper into the complex I started to notice shelves upon shelves of food. I asked if he was preparing for the apocalypse or some disaster, he explained that some of the food was here when he moved in (PEZ bought the cavern from a crew of pirates in 2008) and that was what started his obsession with eating expired foodstuffs! As he told me this he started eating a discoloured Mars bar "1991, good vintage".

I looked more closely at the shelves and it was true, here was a pack of Mentos 15 years over its best before date, a carton of milk 'use by Jan 16 2011'.

PEZ says that certain foods can miraculously change once they pass their use-by date, like Jesus emerging from the cave after being crucified or a caterpillar becoming a magnificent butterfly. "Only suckers buy sour cream," he explained "I just buy some regular cream and wait a few weeks". Other foods simply taste better once they have matured. PEZ says chocolate never goes bad, it turns white and is apparently delicious. One of his favourite snacks is mouldy bread toasted and served with Vegemite from the 1960s.

PEZ tells me that collecting expired food is half the fun, "Bins out the back of restaurants and supermarkets can be a goldmine for the expired food eater. You never know what you will find. I don't know why everyone eats brand new food when there is so much great old food out there waiting to be consumed!"

The health issues are not a major concern for the boy rapper, "I got sick a few times and my doctor told me to stop eating expired food. But doctors and scientists dont know everything".


Shit was so cash

PEZ's one piece of advice for aspiring rap singers: "Eat as much expired food as you can, the older the better!"

Rolling in their grave: KERSER

IN a new regular feature I will explain which classic rappers are spinning in their graves due to the shitty new rap music of today...

The infamous KERSER is a battle raper from Sydney-town who is causing quite a stir on the facebook. Recently he boasted that his youtube video has 100000 views, big fucking deal. Many have put the hate on The Kerser because he is the most popular lad rapper in the country and the only battle MC who is openly gay. Despite these flaws most rap fans agree that he does indeed spit hot fyre, its probably better if we give in to his demands and step back for fear of being burned!


The Kerser in the booth during a steamy recording session

THE KERSER made a name for himself after an intense freestyle battle in the carpark after a Got Beef event, and when I say instense freestyle battle I mean stabbing a hobo to death with one of his many knives. Word on the streets says he was also seen in the area of the Black Saturday Bushfires in 2009 packing flint and steel, and he refuses to answer questions about his involvement with the Beaumont children.

For the above reasons and many more, P DIDDY is rolling in his grave.

JAY-Z ILLUMINATI FREEMASON EXPOSED!!!

sum ppl hav been aksing me about if jayz is a freemason or the popes nigga
this video proves it. enjoy. and check out my new youtube channel!!!!