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"Saint West", Kanye Canonized by Catholic Church

"Saint West", Kanye Canonized by Catholic Church

Reuters
Vatican City
June 26, 2013

In a move that has shocked religious fanatics around the globe, Pope Francis has named Kanye West as an official Saint of the Catholic Church.

The announcement was especially surprising because the process of canonization usually takes decades. Francis told reporters that he "Stepped up and made an executive decision" by making Kanye a Saint, effective immediately. He continued, "Kanye is the greatest producer to ever live, he has changed the rap game several times since bringing the soul sound back with his dope album 'The College Dropout'. And his rhymes are off the hook as well."

'Da Hip Hop Pope' shares a bong with worshippers in downtown Chicago

Potential Saints must perform at least 3 (three) miracles before they can be accepted into the pantheon. Pope Francis cited the famous car accident in 2002, which Kanye escaped with his life and a broken jaw. The other miracles cited were Kanye West's "visionary beats and compelling rhymes".

Kanye has spoken about his faith many times and referenced it in his songs such as 'Jesus Walks' and 'I am a God', the latter is from his latest album 'Yeezus'.

When asked for comment Kanye said he would consider moving to Heaven to live with the other saints, but it would not be the end of his career. He tweeted a message to his fans indicating he deserved to be even higher in the Church, he could still become Pope, Archangel, Jesus Christ or even God.

A new portrait of Saint West has been commissioned to hang in the Vatican lobby

Fellow rap megastar Drake was less than impressed with the news. He took out his phone and waved it around, trying to show reporters a photo of an Indian totem-pole with his face crudley carved into the side "Look I'mma God too!"

WHAT IF HIP HOP DIED IN 1988?

Torcha's dad said hip hop was gonna die in 1988. What if he was right???

SkipHopZ presents...
HIP HOP TIMELINES: AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

1988
KRS One champions the cause of long dead industrialist Jordan L. Mott from the South Bronx who invented a type of coal-fired cast-iron stove, he continues to loudly remind everyone that he was not from Queensbridge

1989
"Nobody beats The Biz!" is the slogan of Biz Markie's short-lived used car dealership

1990
Lemonade sales reach an all-time low, millions unemployed as factories close and the economy collapses in the 'Great Fizzy Yellow Depression'

1991
People suspect those House of Pain guys might be Irish but there is no way of telling for sure

1992
MC Hammer is constantly complaining about how people keep touching him

1993
Ice Cube receives a speeding ticket and later says to himself "Police can be quite annoying sometimes"

1996
Critics attack Will Smith for his performance in Independence Day, asking "Cant this guy do ANYTHING else apart from act?"

1998
DMX is pretty much just a normal guy. Ruff Ryding means something totally different.

1999
A young Marshall Mathers creates a minor controversy by doing his job at a local lumber mill with the mannerisms of a black person, several white kids start copying him

2000
Nelly finishes his degree and moves to the country, becomes a grammar teacher 

2001
Bad Boy is not for life

2002
A mime named Kanye West almost dies in a car accident, doctors amputate the lower half of his face

2003
Born with no usable talents 50 Cent dies trying to get rich.

2004
Jay-Z mysteriously becomes CEO of Microsoft for some reason. Hires Rhianna to be lead programmer on Windows Vista, puts Memphis Bleek in charge of marketing and gets Benie Siegel for security. He will be fired 2 years later.

2005 
Madlib gets high and composes the weirdest opera ever

2008
Nas quits his job at an accounting firm because his boss kept asking him to reproduce those amazing spreadsheets he made in 1994

2011
Biggie Smalls buys Tupac an ipad for his birthday. Now he can watch Game of Thrones on the go

Kanye Spotted, with his dick out

Photos show fashionista/rapper Kanye West was spotted wandering the streets of Paris in his pyjamas in the early hours of 31 March 2011.

Earlier in the night Kanye was gatecrashing a fashion show for designer Alexander McQueen being held as part of Paris Fashion Week. He was photographed making a scene when he was denied entry for being black. Kanye said that he didn't want to see the new clothes anyway and he stormed off.

The troubled artist was later seen walking the streets of the red light district dressed in pyjamas with no shoes on. Kanye was looking good in a yellow and purple striped ensemble with matching top and bottom. The pyjama pants had a flap on the back with 2 buttons.

Pop starlet Rihanna soon appeared on the scene and tried to convince Kanye to return to his hotel room but instead Kanye just whipped his dick out of his fly, beat her in the face with it and kept walking. His current whereabouts are unknown.

Conspiracy theories abound regarding the incident, with some people suggesting that Kanye's reptillian blood is calling him back to his home pyjama planet of Niburu. Sources close to Kanye suggest he was planning a trip to the outer solar system before the bright lights of Paris Fashion Week caught his eye. More on this story as it develops...

biggest biters in rap: LUPE FIASCO

nigga should change his name to LUPE CONTROVERSY or some shit


FAKE


REAL

infamous biter Lupe was once spotted sneaking around backstage at a kanye west concert with soap and a scrubbing brush asking people where the royal penis was. because he wants to be all over that dick like the dickrider he is.

FRESH FOR THE CLUB I JUST TOOK AN HALF AN HOUR NAP

kanye that is not cool. its exactly what my dad would say if he ever went to the club.

HATERS GONNA HATE

IN my new series of regular posts exposing clowns and haters in the hip hop scene i am bringing u the story of KANYE WESTS collabo with teenage actress/pop princess JUSTINE BIEBER...

Kanye got the idea of lacing a beat with Bieber when they ran into each other at the laser car wash and became facebook buddies. Bieber was recently arrested in las vegas for cocaine posession but Kanye broke her out of jail.





for the beat, "producer" kanye west jacked a beat from wutang because he thought noone would notice. Biebers voice has been described as being like MICHAEL JACKSON (R.I.P) on this track.

the opinion of fans is as always divided...with some threating to burn down biebers house and rape kanye west. it was reported that the Bieber cried after reading comments online about the song.

here are some comments from the haters who i am calling out, SHAME ON YOU

"Bieber is terrible. Utter trash. AWFUL
if you cut him out, and probably kanye too, then the track would be ok. "
-Headlock (well known hater and clown in the scene)

"Justin is the only good thing on the song, but you have to sit thru that no talent thug mumbling and talking his way thru the verses before Justin sprinkles his magic on the song."
-bitch from popular eating website Popeater.com

"hahahaha oooo im so fuckin scared bitch. and bitch im fuckin mexican and role with bp ight hoe.! i got a black guy so dont trip. matter fact your the stupid one here bcuz your the low life tht actually replies bitch wanna catch a fade dont trip leva i got you on check.! go suck a cock and eat shit fuckin looser and like i said wanna tlk shit say it in my face hoe nothing hold you back. come down to my block i aint scared homie.! fuck you and your shit im out.! aratos foo.!"
-KiddohDaisy of youtube