5.11.13

It Wasn't Me (featuring sport bikes)

The music video for this song starts out with Rikrok running to Shaggy's mansion in the city of Highguard to explain to him what has just happened. Rikrok (a Shadow Assassin from the Brass Coast) tells him that he cheated on his girlfriend and got caught. Shaggy tells him to tell her that "It wasn't me."

 We then cut to a flashback to earlier that day. Rikrok has been caught sleeping with another woman, and his girlfriend is outside the apartment in her convertible when two women pull up next to her on their motorcycles (sport bikes).


 The 3 women go into the building. Rikrok sneaks out the window, takes the motorcycle (sport bike) of one of his girlfriend's accomplices and leaves. The women come out and his girlfriend and gets in the convertible, the other women get on their motorcycles (sport bikes) and chase after him.

Shaggy, from his house, and using his futuristic technology tracks down where Rikrok is going and prepares an escape for him. Rikrok then gets on a bridge over the highway when the accomplice rode on the bridge in front of him. He then hits the brakes to stop while she stops her motorcycle (sport bike).

Rikrok then hears a noise behind him & its the other accomplices and the girlfriend driving the convertible on the other side of the bridge with the highway down below, an 18-wheeler drives by and Shaggy leaves him a text message telling him to look behind and he notices the truck and jumps off the side of overhead and lands on the truck.

 He is then dropped off at Shaggy's mansion, showing the same scene from the start of the video.

30.10.13

Identity of Zodiac Killer Finally Revealed

The infamous Zodiac Killer was a serial killer responsible for the murder of dozens of people throughout the 1970s. He terrorized the state of California, taunting the police by sending cryptic messages to the media and demanding they be published. The Zodiac's identity has remained unknown for over 40 years. Skip Hopz Dot Com can now reveal exclusive information from recently declassified police files that will finally put this tragic case to rest.

Investigators at the San Francisco Police Department racistly assumed The Zodiac was a white man, based on the neatness of his handwriting. But take this eyewitness sketch and invert the colors, it clearly shows a man strikingly similar to Bill Cosby. The trademark Cosby eyeglasses and slicked back mop of sweaty black hair are clearly visible.



Bill Cosby famously wore a Zodiac brand wristwatch. When an interviewer asked about the mysterious timepiece he smiled sinisterly and replied "I am a man of many secrets and hidden aliases, you can set your watch by it."

Cosby's agent has made it clear that questions about Cosby's whereabouts on specific dates during the 1960s-70s are off-limits for interviews. When an NBC reporter pressed Cosby on the issue and brought up the fact that witnesses report seeing him in the vicinity of Lake Berryessa in September 1969, the site and date of a horrific Zodiac murder, his handlers told her the interview was over and hustled Cosby away.

All the known Zodiac killings took place during full moons. The moon is the ruling planet of the zodiac sign Cancer, which happens to be Bill Cosby's star sign. He often spoke of consulting his horoscope and "Getting [my] work done" when the moon was full. He would often leave the house on secretive trips, refusing to discuss the matter with his wife.

According to recently declassified documents, Cosby would allegedly fool women into stopping their cars in rural areas by claiming they had problems with their tires, then loosen their lug nuts and eventually take them captive.


It is known that Cosby was a close friend of the lead SFPD detective working the case. Cosby invited him to tapings of The Cosby Show and would constantly press him for information about the killer and suspects.

A corkboard with newspaper clippings about the Zodiac Killer is clearly visible in Bill Cosby's study, as seen on an early episode of MTV Cribs. It isn't a small corkboard either, it's massive. He was obsessed with the case.

Zodiac left size 10.5 size footprints at the crime scene. According to the Bill Cosby wiki, Cosby wears the same size.

Bill Cosby's wife has revealed that knives, a rope, guns and bullets often went missing from the house, all weapons used in the murders.

Cosby has repeatedly refused to give hair and semen samples that could potentially clear his name. Police have used DNA evidence to rule out several previous suspects. What does Cosby have to hide?

Friends report that Cosby had an active interest in ciphers and codes, often spending days completing giant crossword puzzles.

Finally, the Zodiac Killer's famous unbroken cipher has now been decoded by a user on Reddit, the proposed solution was reached by reversing the letters decoding them using an asymmetric key algorithms, it reads
I AM BILL H COSBY


27.10.13

PETITION TO GET KERSER ON THE EMINEM TOUR INSTEAD OF 360

Kerser is a rapper that has more credit and respect in Australia than 360 does. Kerser has so many similarities to Eminem. He made himself from rags to riches. He started by battling and hustling mixtapes a lot like Eminem. He has had no support from media or radio. NIL! And still his albums and DVD debut at number1. His youtube channel has over 10 million views. Kerser's subject matter and style fits in more with Eminem and Kendrick Lamar than 360 ever will. 360 is only on the bill because of management and radio play! 

  SIGN THE PETITION NOW

17.10.13

Kerser's new album and the secret Kerser knowledge they don't want you to know


With Kerser's new album "SICKEST CUNT OUT THERE" soon to hit Kazaa and Limewire it is the perfect time to reveal some knowledge best left untouched...

Scientists excavating Saddam's tomb in Baghdad have found ancient scrolls written in Greek and Latin which tell the story of Kerser. They gave the scrolls the name K-Bible. These scrolls are giving many answers to the world's most unanswered secrets and mysteries.

We now know that Kerser created the world and nature, as the 2/3 god he is. And then was born as a man in 1987. Kerser appears to be coming out as a man to help our world when he thinks it is necessary. The scrolls mention few famous names from our world's history who are considered to be Kerser too (Caeser and Napoleon are just 2 of'em). 



According to the K-Bible, the Inkas are considered to be the first civilization to acknowledge Kerser's mightiness, and to believe in him as the world's ruler. As this world's commissioner, Kerser communicates with 2,194,002 other worlds. Since the smart Inkas, our world lives in sin, so Skip Hopz Dot Com, in association with Da Russian Spammorz, The Chinese Hackors and Da Skript Kiddiez, has taken the responsibility of spreading the K-Bible and making the world a better place.

K-Bible also tells the story of how Kerser died (yes it's true Kerser has died many times). 3 days later his body was found missing from the shallow grave where he passed out, he was alive and well.

Kerser, the best rapper ever, earned 72 PHDs when he was only 5. He changed the world by giving it computers (he invented the transistor and the microprocessor), when he graduated from high school, he added 163 more PHDs. In sports, Kerser was just awesome. He won national titles in basketball, football, baseball, track & field, soccer and chess. After each and every university begged him to join in order to teach the professors, Kerser chose to pursue the path of the Lad. After going back in time to 1979 and showing KRS-One how to rap, he began working on his debut album and the rest is history.

14.9.13

Rap News Roundup - September 2013

Disgraced diva Rihanna was looking no worse for wear following her kidnapping at the hands of Somali Pirates. She was seen at the beach hollering something about a tsunami warning system, whatever that means. I think she was looking for a marine biologist but nobody could understand her accent. The water at this beach has receded really far!

Rap superstar Eminem walked into the Detroit DMV and announced he would pay for everyone's motor vehicle insurance. He was in a great mood until I began to pester him with questions. Pestered him for a good 5 minutes before his handlers escorted me away. Still no word on Detox, btw.

Reports indicate that vegan rapper Phatchance was seen at a local park surrounded by kittens. He had a variety of nuts and legumes roasting on the communal BBQ. He asked if I wanted a 'steak' as I slowly backed away and broke into a mad dash.

I spotted Ludacris at my 5-year-old cousin's birthday party on the weekend. Luda was folding party balloons into obscene shapes and waving them around. Nobody invited him but he was definitely the life of the party!

Your Boy Bangs has allegedly locked himself in a sporting goods store and is staging mock battles from WW2 using cricket equipment. Perhaps filming a viral video for his new mixtape?


3.9.13

Jackie Chan Not Dead

It has come to the attention of SKIP HOPZ DOT COM that famous movieman Jackie "Channers" Chan is alive and well. The news has come as a shock to millions of fans who thought he was dead following a post on popular truth website Yahoo Answers:
Yes he is dead, he died on set of his asian meets black comedy Mush Dower 4. Piss Blucker was going around the set swinging his leg around trying to act like he knew something about martial arts. Then, all of a sudden, the asswipe kicks a shelf that is holding loaded glock 17s, they all fell to the ground and as they hit the ground the guns went off.

They all fired and every single bullet hit Jackie in the face except for one, which hit him in the ear. Piss Blucker then decided to go to his trailer and snorted large amounts of baking soda. By the time the police got him out of his trailer he turned white due to all the stuff he snorted, then, he died after that. Piss Blucker never said he was sorry, for Jackies death.

At Skiphopz we believe that truth and integrity is the cornerstone of journalism and we stand by all our previous stories, as well as the stories on our sister site TheGlobalDaily.net (which is still under maintenance following the attacks by Chinese Hackors and The Script Kiddies)



27.6.13

"Saint West", Kanye Canonized by Catholic Church

"Saint West", Kanye Canonized by Catholic Church

Reuters
Vatican City
June 26, 2013

In a move that has shocked religious fanatics around the globe, Pope Francis has named Kanye West as an official Saint of the Catholic Church.

The announcement was especially surprising because the process of canonization usually takes decades. Francis told reporters that he "Stepped up and made an executive decision" by making Kanye a Saint, effective immediately. He continued, "Kanye is the greatest producer to ever live, he has changed the rap game several times since bringing the soul sound back with his dope album 'The College Dropout'. And his rhymes are off the hook as well."

'Da Hip Hop Pope' shares a bong with worshippers in downtown Chicago

Potential Saints must perform at least 3 (three) miracles before they can be accepted into the pantheon. Pope Francis cited the famous car accident in 2002, which Kanye escaped with his life and a broken jaw. The other miracles cited were Kanye West's "visionary beats and compelling rhymes".

Kanye has spoken about his faith many times and referenced it in his songs such as 'Jesus Walks' and 'I am a God', the latter is from his latest album 'Yeezus'.

When asked for comment Kanye said he would consider moving to Heaven to live with the other saints, but it would not be the end of his career. He tweeted a message to his fans indicating he deserved to be even higher in the Church, he could still become Pope, Archangel, Jesus Christ or even God.

A new portrait of Saint West has been commissioned to hang in the Vatican lobby

Fellow rap megastar Drake was less than impressed with the news. He took out his phone and waved it around, trying to show reporters a photo of an Indian totem-pole with his face crudley carved into the side "Look I'mma God too!"

11.6.13

Secret NBA plan reveals they are collecting all our rebounds


Superstar Lebron James has been implicated in the leaked NBA plan to collect all the rebounds, according to an anonymous whistleblower who was found dead in his Hong Kong hotel room this morning. Local detective Jackie Chan has ruled the case a suicide and was quoted saying "I don't want no trouble."

The leaked documents uploaded to Wikileaks show that NBA commissioner David Stern masterminded the plan to pad Lebron James' career stats (which also count toward Stern's stats as commissioner, according to a controversial new rule change).

Lebron allegedly disguised himself as Sam Bowie before travelling to school playgrounds and gymnasiums around the country where he would run onto the court and aggressively box out players on both teams. After he grabbed the ball he would take out his iPhone, record the rebound on his NBA.com stat-tracker app and run away to find the next victim.


Amateur basketball players worldwide are now scared to attempt a field goal, even when practicing by themselves, for fear of Lebron stealing the rebound and running away with their ball. Some NBA players have complained about Lebron in private but they will not speak on the record because commissioner Stern rules the league with an iron fist and has punished dissidents before.

At time of writing Lebron has managed to pad his stats to 3260 rebounds per game which puts him slightly behind Tim Duncan.

5.6.13

Rapper Kerser to be Killed by RSPCA

Our worst fears have finally come true, Aussie rap superstar KERSER now faces the death penalty after he was reportedly seized and detained by the RSPCA.

File photo of Kerser smoking a funny smelling cigarette

Kerser allegedly escaped from his Sydney home and ventured into the backyard of a neighbour who reported him to the authorities. Kerser is scheduled to be euthanised June 3rd, 2013 at 5 PM based solely on his looks. At the last moment, Kerser received a temporary stay of execution while the case is reviewed.

Relatives claim Kerser "has always been a loving, gentle and playful boy. He has never harmed anyone and is a valuable member of Jade's family."

Kerser has recently released his second studio album and had plans to tour nationally but this has been put on hold while his case is decided.


2.6.13

RiFF RAFF: the story so far

EXCLUSIVE: Part 1 of the weird biography that was deemed "too inaccurate" for Wikipedia!

RiFF RAFF: the story so far: A tale of Two RiFf raFfs


Jody "riFF raFF" Christian was born 2 weeks premature in the vicinity of "Bunk Alley", Minnesota in 1975. He was raised by Gypsies and spent much of his time alone nurturing his tulip gardens and focusing on his rapping and the ability to telekinetically manipulate and control materials with his mind. He loved how the sensation of fiber, such as soft weaves and flowers, felt to his touch; hard objects felt abrasive to him. He was very lonely, so he wove himself gossamer wings.

In 1987 Riff Raff met an American actor and activist named Mike Steele. Steele was starring in a remake of the movie Dracula, which was being filmed on location in Battle Creek, NE. Riff Raff romanced and seduced Steele with promises of fame and fortune. They married, but Steele was constantly away from the house. Riff Raff then began imagining that he was having affairs behind his back. He wove himself a costume and began calling himself Kokayne Dawkins. He wreaked havoc attacking social gatherings in search of Mike Steele. MTV approached Dawkins and they made a reality show about him.


Jim Scampoli encountered Kokayne Dawkins at a dinner party he was attending. Accompanying Jim Scampoli to the party was his homeboy Jeff Murphy, along with his mentor Jimmy Fallon. Scampoli ate several mushrooms and tried to confront Kokayne Dawkins, unweaving his costume and attempting to drown him in a swimming pool. Dawkins broke free, and at the same time his boyfriend Mike Steele realized that the fight was occurring. Steele fired his gun at Dawkins, narrowly missing the drug crazed DJ, damaging his gossamer wings so that he could not fly. By this point the dance floor was well and truly cleared. Jeff Murphy grabbed a baton and heroically knocked out Steele to keep him from getting in the way as he confronted the unmasked Riff Raff. However, instead of turning him over to the authorities, Jeff Murphy allowed him to walk away since they seemed to have some things in common.

Within his new cult, Riff Raff ordered his followers to steal and scavenge for him. As the Dark Snitcher (Mike Steele) investigated these thefts, he overheard the name of Riff Raff from a trustworthy drug dealer. He recalled it as the name of a pimp who was throwing a party that his best friend Jake Sprague was attending. During a scuffle, Dark Snitcher became injected with enough drugs to knock him out and when he came to he was before Riff Raff. Dark Snitcher thought they were friends, but Riff Raff said he was mistaken. Riff Raff tried to drown Dark Snitcher in cement, but Dark Snitcher used his powers to break loose and tried to appeal to Riff Raff's conscience. Saying he had no conscience, Riff Raff attacked once more as Dark Snitcher realized Jake Sprague was present in a drugged-induced haze. Rushing to help him, he turned around to realize Riff Raff was gone. His location remains a mystery.

TO BE CONTINUED...
 

25.5.13

Jay-Z's Career Shows Warming Trend, 95% of Experts Agree

A new report by the International Panel on Rapping has concluded that rapper Jay-Z's career is hotter than ever and shows no signs of cooling down.


The 400 page report is the largest and most detailed summary of Jay-Z ever undertaken, produced by thousands of rappers, DJs, and reviewers from dozens of countries. It confirms that Jigga's beats and lyrics are indeed hot, and are warming at a greater rate than initially predicted.

The report has been the subject of criticism. Skeptics contend that Jay-Z's weaker albums are not sufficiently incorporated in the report. Others regard the IPR as too conservative in its estimates of the source of warming, arguing that the strength of Jay's music is due to the world-class producers he works with, not his lyrical content or delivery. Some have even suggested that the report is a fabrication by iTunes with the assistance of Amazon.com and it ignores the obvious fact that Reasonable Doubt is Jigga's hottest album, hands down.

20.5.13

New Facebook Craze "Sitting" Takes Internet by Storm

A growing fad that involves lying down in a chair with torso/legs bent at a 90 degree angle has taken the world wide web by storm.

The meme has been named "sitting" or "the sitting down game" and has become popular on social networking site "Facebook.com". Users snap pictures of themselves and friends doing the infamous "sitting" in a chair and upload for all to see. Many have found that these so-called "chairs" provide an excellent platform for "sitting". Others sit on makeshift equipment like a boulder or rotten log.

Rap superstar Kerser does the famous"sitting"

Some cutting edge users have pushed this new meme to the limit, experimenting with "sitting gangam style" (swinging legs while sitting) and "sitting harlem shake" (having a seizure while sitting).

Several students report that their schools have already banned "sitting" because it disrupts lessons and is a safety issue. One teenager allegedly suffered a stroke after "sitting" for an extended period of time and drinking a can of Fanta. 

An example of correct "sitting" technique

10.5.13

RIHANNA CAPTURED BY SOMALI PIRATES, PART 1

Reuters- Barbados
10/05/2013 
6:12 AM
(this story is still developing)

RIHANNA CAPTURED BY SOMALI PIRATES, PART 1

Police reports from the Principality of Barbados have confirmed what we all feared the most; pop princess Rihanna has been captured by the infamous Somali Pirates.

Rumors of the harrowing adventure began to surface last week when a series of cryptic tweets from Rihanna showed that something was amiss. She was sailing down the Ivory Coast to visit relatives when her three mast flagship was allegedly boarded by men wearing towels around their heads and packing uzis. When the captain's throat was slit the remaining crew members gave themselves up and threw themselves upon the mercy of the Somalian sea-dogs, offering to join their cause, but they were thrown overboard. Two smaller vessels carrying Rihanna's extended entourage were also commandeered. A statement on the Somali Pirates Facebook page reports that cargo carried by the fleet was also seized, including several casks of spices and chests brimming with Spanish pieces of eight. An offer of ransom has been made but Interscope Records are refusing to pay the $5 million.


Tweets by Rihanna indicate that she was chained to a lockbox in the captain's cabin as the ship sailed North with the trade winds, eventually making anchor at the notorious pirate den: Port Royal, Jamacia. There the Somali Pirates offloaded most of their cargo at the favourable local exchange rate and used their gold to restock their supplies, including a large amount of ammunition. They also purchased several new ships of the line. Rihanna told fans via Twitter that she was not allowed to leave the ship and had no change of clothes. This was the last confirmed Tweet by Rihanna herself before the Somali Pirates either hacked her Twitter account or confiscated her phone.

Later that night the Pirates returned under the cover of darkness and burned the Port Royal market district to the ground, recovering most of their spent gold and pillaging goods from several waterfront warehouses before stealing one of Richard Branson's finest yachts and sailing away. Cannons fired from the seawall fort were unable to prevent their escape, a fleet of privateers (legal pirates) was soon sent in pursuit.

A spokesperson for the Jamaican Naval Defence Force has confirmed that a police vessel cornered the pirates in a secluded cove on the morning of May 7th. A negotiator was unable to communicate with the pirates as they apparently don't know how to operate their radio. Rihanna's captors responded with cursing and small arms fire but the bullets did not have enough range to penetrate the armoured hull. The police boat opened fire with a 60mm anti-tank rifle. Out-gunned  the pirates turned sail and attempted to flee, but not before Branson's prized yacht was punctured and began to sink. As the pirates rounded the cove they spotted the privateer fleet on the horizon; the trap was sprung.


Rihanna watched from the porthole of her cabin as the enemies of piracy closed in, freedom at last! But her elation was short lived, as one of the stronger, fatter pirates barged into the captain's cabin and knifed the captain in the guts. A mutiny was afoot! The new captain explained the situation to the other vessels via walkie-talkie and each boat sailed away in a different direction: port, starboard etc.

After sailing for 2 days the pirate captain admitted to Rihanna that they were lost at sea, with no land in sight. The other boats were out of walkie-talkie range, their crews most likely captured by police and hanged in Port Royal. Unfortunately all the stocks of rum and food were on the other boats, Rihanna and the skeleton crew were forced to survive by smearing raw spices on hand grenades and licking them. Rihanna waited until her captors were distracted by a passing dolphin/mermaid and began to chew through her restraints with razor sharp fangs.


As the captain was sick in his bed with cinnamon poisoning Rihanna made her move. Tearing the chains away from her naked body, she grabbed a matchlock pistol and ran abovedecks where she loudly explained that another mutiny was afoot. Her barbados accent was easy for the pirates to understand and they threw themselves at her feet, hailing her as queen of the pirates. Rihanna then explained that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, and they could use this little-known fact to plot a course for home.

As their ragged ship sailed into the Gulf of Mexico, Rihanna had a change of heart as she stood on the deck wearing her pirate rags and admiring the blood-red sunset over the country of her birth. The crispy sea air and smell of vomit and semen was intoxicating. Of course it was tempting to return to her abusive boyfriend and record deal with the label that didn't care to pay her ransom, but what if she was to become queen of the pirates for real? She had nothing to lose. Just then a police boat hailed them on the radio, they were required to identify themselves...

TO BE CONTINUED



Rihanna's Pirate Facts:
"if u are trapped with somali pirates just remember these simple facts"
  • They have an extreme disregard for authority
  • Pirates rarely/never wash hands
  • Can't operate a simple radio
  • Have a lot of different guns but don't know which kind of bullets go with each, often end up jamming their weapons and throwing them overboard

edit: cops come here

I think the PRESIDENT is the BOMB. SHOOT, sometimes, I think about BARACK OBAMA and wonder if he would like the ISLAMABAD deli on 14th st here in WASHINGTON, DC. I think the falafel is to DIE for. Or even to KILL for. It's so good it makes me wanna declare a falafel JIHAD on all the other INFIDEL falafel stands in the capital -- from those near THE WHITE HOUSE to those near CAPITAL HILL. they give me heartburn, though. it's like they ASSASSINATE my belly. it really KILLS me.

3.5.13

Kris Kross Retrospective


we at skiphopz are big fans of comedy duo KRIS KROSS and we are sadenned by the death of the miggidy-miggidy-miggidy-miggidy-Mack Daddy himself, Chris Kelly...we will take this oportunity to look back at the great mans career spanning 1 decade. read da full article after da jump...

5.4.13

BEVAN'S BIT'S #1 - guest column by Bevan B


alright maggots, put down your goon bag for 1 sec and pay some fuckin attention becoz i have been granted this regular job postin shit for skiphopz.com...one of the dopest sites on the web. and centrelink told me i cant turn down a job. and i didnt even run this shit through a spell checker cause the editor here dont give a fuck. real shit from the streets of rural NSW where i rep from

first off i want to give a big FUCK YOU to those guys who are hosts and runners of the rap battles we have seen happen around this sunburnt land of our's. these rap battle running cunts are wack fucks who have no talent and need the battles they run to make a name for themselfs because there music is pure crap and they can not emcee. FACT: put a grand on it

on the message boards of OZHIPHOP.COM a recent topic has been emcees who are underrated. i want 2 give a shout out to some of my favorite real aussie emcees. KAYE is a mad bloke proud to be from nsw we have some of the best emcees and writers in our state alot of dope hip hop coming out of nsw lately. CANNIBAL TRIBE are sum of the hardest cunts out. LOSTY is a real creative dude and could be the next Aussie Eminem (one of my favorite rappers)


u may see me around gigs or at your local train station in these states nsw wa qld and maybe vic soon. so check out my music and hit me up on myspace... http://www.myspace.com/bevanb
LATER HATERS! 


26.3.13

Breaking Bad Season 5 Leaked Script


TOP SECRET - CONFIDENTIAL BREAKING BAD SEASON 5 OFFICIAL SCRIPT

FOR EYES ONLY

S05 [part 2] E04

SCENE - Jesse and Walt have conspired to cook one last great batch of 110% pure supermeth in Hank's basement while he is at the policeman's ball

Jesse: Hey Mister Walter White, who is my chemist professor and best friend, please pass the beaker so I can drip this purple liquid steam into a spiral tube, this shit gon be da bomb yo!

Walt: I swear, you are so incompetent Jesse although you are reluctantly my protege we are quite an odd couple and working with you is a bother! Will you PLEASE try to not be such an inconvenience...I wouldn't even want to cook nachos with you for crying out loud!

Jesse: Actually Mister White I am cooking nachos in your antique mortar and pestle upstairs, they should be done right about now...

*explosion sound* *Jess and Walt stare at each other as microwave crashes through the basement roof and tips over table full of glassware*

Jesse: I guess it wasn't microwave safe? 

Walt: JESSE!!!

*Hank enters the scene, walking down stairs into basement*

Jesse (whispering): I thought you said he wasn't supposed to be home until late!

Hank: what are you two handsome bastards doing in my basementroonie? Walt, who's the kid?

Walt: He's a friend of a friend, I am putting him on a straight and narrow path

Hank: Glad to hear it buddy. Listen, the toilet upstairs is blocked and I need to drop the cosby kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean heh hehh hehh

*Hank enters basement toilet room and closes door*

Walt (whispering in harsh voice): THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!

Jesse: ALL-RIGHT already! Don't have a cow Mr White, I will think of something...

Hank (from behind toilet door): hey is it just me or can anyone else smell meth cooking in here?

*walt slowly reaches into jacket and hands jesse a tiny gun*

Walt: There's no time. You have to do it, its the only way. Now or never Jesse

*Jesse raises gun to his own head and pulls the trigger*
*but his hand slips and bullet richochets off a drainpipe into the toilet door*

Walt: NOOOOOOOOOO you idiot!!!

*toilet door busts open, Hank is covered in blood with pants around his ankles and gun drawn*

Hank (shouting and aiming his gun around): SHOTS FIRED REQUESTING BACKUP. WALT, GET DOWN! GET DOWN! THE CARTEL HAVE RETURNED TO FINISH THE JOB!

*Walt grimaces at Jesse with a knowing and fatherly look*
*Jesse runs to cower under broken table while Walt grabs the gun turns and fires three shots at Hank's back*

Jesse: What the hell did you just do man!? NOT COOL!

Walt: Finally, my job here is done

Hank (crawling down stairs dying): WALT! Did Skyler ask you to do this? It was Skyler trying to kill me all along, wasnt it. Or your son, I know he had something to do with this!

*Walk walks over and pours a beaker of half-cooked meth into Hank's mouth*

Walt: Goodnight, sweet prince

Marie (shouting from upstairs): Hank, are you down there? What the hell did you put in the microwave?

Jesse: Mister White, how are we gonna get out of here now?

*Jesse runs over to basement window and tries to open it*

Jesse: its stuck!

Walt: Unstick it then! Can't you do anything right? 

Jesse: Do something! There must be something you can use among all these chemicals

*Walt turns and stares at batch of freshly cooked meth*

Walt: Eureka. Jesse, fetch my pipe.

24.3.13

Alien Planet Supports Life, All Manchester United Fans

NASA held a press conference today confirming that the Voyager space probe had crashed on a previously unknown planet 8.2 light years from earth. As the damaged probe beamed back scientific data and video it was revealed that the alien beings who inhabit this world are huge fans of English soccer team Manchester United.

Head scientist Dr. Waleed Abdalati admitted he was baffled at first. As soon as the spherical Voyager probe crashed it was picked up by one of the local inhabitants and carried to one of the many nearby soccer pitches where humanoid creatures took turns dribbling and kicking it into an empty net, in an imitation of Ryan Giggs' 'goal of the century'. The indigenous life forms of the planet 61 Vir B are similar to humans, the main physiological differences being a larger cranium, a single eye instead of two and an intense obsession with all things Manchester United.
The probe also recorded footage of the surrounding streets, which are all named after former Manchester United players. A row of solid gold statues depicting former United star Cristiano Ronaldo stands on a nearby piazza. Twice a day the alien beings will stop whatever they are doing and run to a nearby TV to observe the sacred Manchester United training session. The local culture is quite advanced, they even have their own version of the internet which is conducted through futuristic fax machines however it is mostly used for fantasy football and streaming Sky Sports and MUTV so they can watch every minute of Manchester United matches and revel in their victories, despite living 7.75763329 × 10^16 meters away from Old Trafford.

NASA experts are divided about the ramifications of this amazing discovery. Dr Abdalati pondered "Does this mean signals from Earth were received by this fledgeling species or could Manchester United's genetic material be carried through space on a meteorite, populating many planets in the universe like a dandelion seed floating on cosmic winds? It could also indicate that Manchester United is an inherent property of space-time itself, guaranteed to manifest itself wherever intelligent life is found."

The latest signals from Voyager have revealed that the locals are gearing up for the end of the season, preparing for the time when they must all become Los Angeles Lakers fans.

5.3.13

PLAY-STATION 4 ANNOUNCE

IT'IS ANOTHER ADITION OF SKIP-HOPZ-DOT-COM VIDYA GAME NEWS!!!!


>CLICK HEAR<


EVEN LONLIEST FOOL OF A HERMIT KNOW THE SONYMEN HAVE RELESED ALL ABOUT THERE NEW CONSOLE SOON TO BE EXPLODDING THE VIDEOCONSOLE MARKET:  THE PLAY STATION FOUR! 

MY COUSIN RANDY LIVE STEAMED THE PRESS CONFERENSE ON YOUTUBES AND I WILL TELL THEM ALL ABOUT IT.....

PLAY STATION 3 WAS A HARD ACT 2 FOLLOW BUT PLAY STATION 4 ("PS-4") WILL HAVE ALL THE GAMMING FEATERS U EXPECT AND MOAR..  CIRCUT BOARD BLUEPRINT SMUGGLED OUT OF A FACTORY IN THE MOCCASIN OF A CHINAMAN HAS SHOWN THE POWER OF SONYS NEW CELL PROCESOR WITH 2000MHZ  AND CAN BE OVERCLACKED TO RIVAL THE DEMANDING MODERN GAMES SUCH AS CRYSIS 2 WARFARE AND UNREAL TOURNAMENT 2012. PS-4 WILL FEATERE UP TO 40000 POLYGONS PER SQUARE INCH,, ALLOWING FOR THE BUSHIEST AND REALISTIC EYEBROWS EVER SEEN IN A VIDEO GAME. WHEN IT COMES TO RAM, PS4 HAS 7 GIGS WHICH IS MORE THEN RANDYS ALIEN-WARE LAPTOP SO U CAN SEE PS-4 WILL BE A HEAVY HITTER FOR DECADES 2 COME!
SONYS PS4 WITH REVOLUTION "REMOTE" CONTROLLER FOR YOU'RE GAMMING PLEASURE!
A HUEG LINE UP OF GAMES WILL BE RELESED FOR PS-4 INCLUDING YOURE FAVORITES SUCH AS 'KILL ZONE 4 COLLECTOR EDITION' AND 'UNCHARTED 4: DRAKE GOES FISTING' BUTT FEAR NOT YOUNG READER,, PLAYSTATION 4 WILL BE OLD-COMPATIBLE WITH OUR FAVORITE PLAY STATION GAMES OF YORE SUCH AS CROC: LEGEND OF THE GOBBOS AND GEX 3D. NOW YOU'RE PATHETIC LIFE IS FINALLY COMPLETE

SUM NEW FEATERS ARE ANOUNCED FOR THE INTERFACE INCLUDING A "CROSS MEDIA BAR" WHICH WILL ALLOW U TAEK A SWIG OF SMOOTH EASY DRINKING JACK DANIELS WHILE U RELAX IN FRONT OF YOURE COMPLETE MEDIA CENTER SOLUTION...PHOTO SLIDESHOW AND REALPLAYER MEDIA PLAY BACK...ITS ALL IN THE BOX 
THE NEW "EZ-GRIP" WHITE CONTROLER MATCHES YOURE FAVORITE CARDIGAN
PLAYSTATION 4 IS ALL ABOUT THE SOCIAL GAMMING WHICH MEANS BASICALY THAT YOU'RE FRIENDS WILL APPEAR IN A GAMEPLAY AND TAKE OVER THE CONTROLER FROM U AT ANY MOMENT,, HOW EXITING

EVER WANT TO TELL YOU'RE FRIENDS THAT U ARE PLAYNG A PLAY-STATION GAME BUT YOU'RE NOT SURE HOW 2 GO ABOUT IT??? NOW U CAN SIMPLY PRESS THE SHARE BUTTON AND YOU'R CONSOLE WILL POST A BLOG 2 ITS OWN LIVEJOURNAL ACCOUNT, PROBABLY YOUR PS4 WILL HAVE EVEN MORE FRIENDS THEN YOU RANDY AHAHAHAHH

VALVE'S "STEAM BOX" IS A RIVAL CONSOLE THE SONYMEN WILL BE CRUSHING
HOWEVER THE SUCESS OF PLAYSTATION 4 IS FAR FROM GURANTEED...GABEN NEWELL AND VALVE ARE RELEASING A PLAY STATION OF THERE OWN CALLED THE STEAM BOX. THE DETALS ARE NOT NOWN YET BUT IT'S SURE TO HAVE ALL YOU'RE FAVORITE PC GAMES SUCH AS THE SIMS NUDE MOD, HALF-LIFE ORIGINS AND EURO BOAT SIMULATOR. 

MEAN WHILE NINTENDO HAVE RELEASE A NEW PIECE OF SHIT KNOWN AS THE "WII 2" WHICH HAS TWICE AS MANY CONTROLERS AND A BRAND NEW GAME WHERE MARIO WEARS A RACOON SUIT. STAY TUNED...2013 IS AN EXITING TIME FOR GAMMERS!!!

19.2.13

Golden Girl Goldie Hawn Dead Following Botched Facelift


Golden Girl Goldie Hawn Dead Following Botched Facelift 

It has been reported by the famous new website "The Global Daily" that famous person Goldie Hawn is dead. (full disclosure: The Global Daily is part of the Skiphopz Entertainment Network)

http://www.theglobaldaily.net/news/1361257775.html

Goldie Hawn checked into Madison Grove Private Clinic yesterday to receive a routine facelift operation, unaware of the bizarre events that would unfold. The problems began when the operating theater was moved, 2 hours into the marathon 6-hour procedure. A centipede infestation was reportedly disrupting the delicate instruments and the insects had crawled into the heart monitor, causing it to malfunction. After finally relocating the operation to a different wing of the hospital, lead doctor Winston Hopkins discovered Goldie's face had been left behind.


This is what her face looked like (file photo)
Witnesses say Dr Hopkins tore off his mask and broke down in tears. He was quoted saying "The face is gone. Lord, forgive us what we done [sic]" while sobbing uncontrollably as he slumped towards the staff lounge. Police later placed him under a 24-hour suicide watch. Meanwhile, other nurses and doctors tore away their scrubs and began to search the hospital grounds for the missing face.


Goldie Hawn's partner Kurt Russell thought he had located the famous flap of bloody skin when he stumbled across a leather baseball glove in one of the wards, but it was a false alarm. Goldie's body was quickly dying with no face to breathe oxygen and there was nothing that could be done. As time ran out Dr Hopkins burst into the operating room and offered his own face as a replacement but was shouted down by the replacement surgeon as cooler heads prevailed. A last ditch effort to relocate Hawn's mouth and eyes to a golden retriever ended in failure. Goldie Hawn was pronounced dead at 5:15 AM.


Goldie Hawn photographed hawking stolen iPhones on the street

Goldie Hawn's death was met with an outpouring of grief and support on Twitter. Lifelong friend Justin Bieber was particularly distraught, tweeting "wow i cant belieb she has really gone. thanks goldie for bird on a wire". Elsewhere, President Obama released a statement thanking Hawn for her many years of service. MTV will be screening a special memorial program on Sunday.

Goldie will be remembered for numerous roles on the silver screen, including Foul Play, Shampoo, Overboard, Bird on a Wire, Death Becomes Her, The First Wives Club, On Golden Pond and Cactus Flower, for which she won the 1969 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. She was the mother of actors Oliver and Kate Hudson. Hawn had maintained a relationship with actor Kurt Russell since 1983. She was 67 years old.

5.2.13

GLOBAL WARMING HOAX EXPOSED -exclusive

it has come to the attention of SKIP HOPZ DOT COM that the global warming hoax is still tricking some unsurspecting newspapper writters and sciencepeople. here I will tell u the facts of the mattar...

let me explain, for 1 thing, that scientists and sciencewomen dont even agree on the basic "facts".
  • is the sea level rising or falling? (hint: tide goes in, tide goes out)
  • is hotness measured in celsius or farenheight?
  • what temp does ice melt at?
  • is the sun orbiting closer to earth during warm period? (known as "sun orbit theory")

EPIC FAIL

some ppl would tell u that an extreme hurricane or storm happen because globe is warming...WRONG! using this same logic I can suggest that adolf hitler was feeling a bit warm when he declared world war 1. what if the austrian archduke was feeling a bit warm so he decided to take a stroll into the fire of a gunman??? OH NO GLOBAL WARM IS DA MAJOR VILLAN!!! KILL WHITEY!!!

also allow me to mention that hurricane arent exactly a warm thing...

"oh no, warming caused this hurricane!!!" (said a dumb person)




the so called "solution" for the alledged warming? these blockheads propose to put a TAX on carbon.

smh...

FIRST of all, carbon is SIMPLE HIGH SCHOOL BIOLOGY that exist within every single cell in the planet. u cant put a tax on that...it would be like putting a tax on smoking weed. the goverment has no right to control it. for example the goverment puts a ban on ricin and walter white can cook up a batch in his meth lab no problem. BAM. your dead...

SECONDLY, carbon is only 0.1% of the air. even if u put a total ban on carbon (zero tolerance policy) we will have 99% global warming! and thats incredible!

GLOBAL FUCKING COOLING


how about this: turn on a air conditioner (a wonderful invention these hippies and Al Gore probably never heard of). problem solved. #dealwithit
better yet...build bigger air conditioner all over the polar ice...no more warming. ron paul was saying this since 2008.