Jackie Chan Not Dead

It has come to the attention of SKIP HOPZ DOT COM that famous movieman Jackie "Channers" Chan is alive and well. The news has come as a shock to millions of fans who thought he was dead following a post on popular truth website Yahoo Answers:

Yes he is dead, he died on set of his asian meets black comedy Mush Dower 4. Piss Blucker was going around the set swinging his leg around trying to act like he knew something about martial arts. Then, all of a sudden, the asswipe kicks a shelf that is holding loaded glock 17s, they all fell to the ground and as they hit the ground the guns went off.

They all fired and every single bullet hit Jackie in the face except for one, which hit him in the ear. Piss Blucker then decided to go to his trailer and snorted large amounts of baking soda. By the time the police got him out of his trailer he turned white due to all the stuff he snorted, then, he died after that. Piss Blucker never said he was sorry, for Jackies death.

At Skiphopz we believe that truth and integrity is the cornerstone of journalism and we stand by all our previous stories, as well as the stories on our sister site TheGlobalDaily.net (which is still under maintenance following the attacks by Chinese Hackors and The Script Kiddies)

Take U 2 Da Movies: '1911' starring Jackie Chan

In this new regular feature I will post updates from the world of cinema.

It was a shock to all of us when drunken tai-chi master Jackie Chan passed away in March this year. Now the world is soon to witness his first posthumous work, a historical drama called 1911.

The film tells the story of a time travelling Abraham Lincoln (played by Chan) who has to summon the seven crystal ducks to save the Cloud World with the help of his sidekick Mikey Twohands (Rami Malek). Since Jackie Chan was killed during filming, he was inserted into later scenes as an electronic computer robot, like Jack Deebs in Cool World.



Chan's estate was not happy with the final result and filed an injunction, attempting to ban the film from release. Luckily director Uwe Boll doesn't give a fuck, he intends to let everyone see his masterpiece.

The response from early screenings of the film has been mixed, with many critics pointing out that Segways didn't exist in early 20th century China and they would be an impractical way of transporting an entire army to the Cloud World due to the fact that they can't fly.

However most moviegoers were thrilled to see their hero return one last time, giving a rousing cheer as Chan's character entered the stage. If 1911 does well at the box office you can expect to see much more of Jackie Chan as he rides a wave of death onto the beach of success, ala Biggie and Tupac. His corpse has already had several offers including a Broadway musical based on Chan's life.

Celebs Spotted: DEAD OR ALIVE

I was lucky enough to see Sir Bill Cosby's Corpse performing an impromptu standup gig at the Adelaide Fringe Festival. The great one has lost none of his charm, he had the audience eating out of his maggot infested hand as he ran through some of his famous routines such as standing upright supported by a wooden pole while flies buzzed around his decomposing flesh for 45 minutes. No encore?



My cousin Steve caught a glimpse of young buck Orlando Bloom at the beach. The mad actor was shoving his cock into the beaks of pelicans while loudly proclaiming that it was the only species with a mouth large enough to suck him off. He was looking buff too!



I was surprised to see Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz at my school for show and tell. He stood up in front of my class and spent 2 hours showing us pictures of his Cadillac Escalade and Volkswagen Jetta. He wouldn't leave until we all agreed that his cars were awesome, it was weird because he doesn't even go to my school and he is like 25 years old.

I also saw some reports of Solomon Klepto stabbing cunts in Dandy but that's neither here nor there...

tha adventure continues

Now playing: Every Record Label Sucks Dick - R.A. The Rugged Man

I played this like 15 times straight yesterday, mainly to piss off my roomate who swears out loud at the TV in his room all day as he plays video games [all i ever hear is "Ohhhhh SHIT!" "fuck that shit son!", "oh damn. FUCK!"], tries to have conversations with me about his "battle skills" and how Dame Dash approached him at a Freeway show to come record at some studio, and on top of that his IDOL is fucken Papoose. PAPOOSE! For fucks sake, fair enough if you like his music, but why the fuck would he be your idol?!!? He also says white people can't/shouldnt rap but has a huge picture of Eminem on his wall. ("Yeh son, but he shoulda been born black" - Firstly im not your fucken son, and secondly your fucken wrong.) So all i ever do is play white rap singers real loud, and abstract hip hop and UK and Australian rappers.

OMG Jackie Chan is dead!

Jackie Chan DEAD!




CNN - Jackie Chan Dies of Heart Attack

this is so fucked up right now!!! I cant believe jackie chan is really dead!!! apparently

A Los Angeles hospital has reported that Jackie Chan is dead. The legendary Hong Kong actor who appeared in over 100 films died last night following a heart attack. He was promoting his most recent film, 'The Karate Kid'. Doctors say his heavy schedule was causing extreme stress and putting too much pressure on his heart. Chan was scheduled to fly to Hong Kong today to begin shooting on his next film '1911'.

The actors family has not yet issued a statement in regards to the passing of the truly remarkable actor who died at the young age of 56. Fans swarmed Facebook after confirmation of his passing came through a source close to Chan. A couple of celebrities have also posted their personal tributes through Facebook. Will Smith; “A remarkable actor, he will be forever missed and always in our hearts. RIP Jackie. x”

Even United States President Barack Obama laid down a personal tribute to the martial artist saying: “Jackie Chan is a man who can talk through talent, he is a constant reminder of the strength of humanity. He will forever be in our hearts, a true inspiration who inspired many generations. First it's Nate Dogg then it's Jackie Chan. Deader than Bill Cosby."

MTV will be holding a special memorial for Chan on Friday.

update: IS JACKIE CHAN DEAD!?!?!?!?? or ALIVE!?? it may not be true. who knows. im just reporting the latest news direct from my anonymous sources dont blame me if its wrong!!!  but you heard it first here; JACKIE CHAN IS DEAD.
disclaimer: some people say Jackie Chan is not dead.