aussie rap songs for you're mom: DRAPHT - RAPUNZEL

Of course, most critics agreed when this song came out that it was one of the worst tracks ever recorded. But you're mom seems to love it. Rapunzel is mainly about a girl with long hair who broke up with Drapht, apparently he cant get over it. The guitar riff, rolling bassline, horns and lyrics about Sex in the City and Russell Crowe (R.I.P) are her cup of tea. Plus he is the most non-threatening male to ever wear a flat brim.

Who cares if Drapht was a member of SBX? He still had one of the worst tracks on Culture of Kings 3...which was a terrible compilation (full of songs you'r mom would probably love).

This is what Drapht looks like when your mom invites him over for dinner and he sits on your couch

Apparently DRAPHT has managed to get his fruityloops record The Life Of Riley on the musical charts and perform his standup rapping routine at several 'music fests', despite the fact that his album bombed so badly that the label never released a second single! lol fail

 Drapht strips off in the vocal booth to record another top 40 ballad
  

visit drapht's dumb myspace: http://www.myspace.com/drapht

vandalise him on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drapht

SKIPHOPZ TRAVEL EXTRAVAGANZA

Skiphopz is back with a bumper travel issue. In this new regular feature I will tell you how to travel the world and become a more cultured citizen of the internet like me.

PART 1: FRANCE

Gay Paree is situated conveniently in the middle of Europa and is a favourite destination of travelpeople around the world. There are many attractions to see and try, such as standing around near the Eiffel Tower (a French knockoff of the Statue of Liberty) and eating sticks of bread called Yiros. While you're in the country, why not partake in some of the famous cheeses and wines? Some of the most popular are 'heroin' and 'cocaine'.

Getting around in France is easy, you can rent one of the famous European hatchbacks such as the Ford Focus. I would not recommend riding a bicycle in France because based on what I've seen on TV you have to be PRETTY FUCKING GOOD.

 

Other popular French pass times include having gay sex and visiting the museum of French War Heroes (don't worry, it only takes a few minutes).

Take U 2 Da Movies: '1911' starring Jackie Chan

In this new regular feature I will post updates from the world of cinema.

It was a shock to all of us when drunken tai-chi master Jackie Chan passed away in March this year. Now the world is soon to witness his first posthumous work, a historical drama called 1911.

The film tells the story of a time travelling Abraham Lincoln (played by Chan) who has to summon the seven crystal ducks to save the Cloud World with the help of his sidekick Mikey Twohands (Rami Malek). Since Jackie Chan was killed during filming, he was inserted into later scenes as an electronic computer robot, like Jack Deebs in Cool World.



Chan's estate was not happy with the final result and filed an injunction, attempting to ban the film from release. Luckily director Uwe Boll doesn't give a fuck, he intends to let everyone see his masterpiece.

The response from early screenings of the film has been mixed, with many critics pointing out that Segways didn't exist in early 20th century China and they would be an impractical way of transporting an entire army to the Cloud World due to the fact that they can't fly.

However most moviegoers were thrilled to see their hero return one last time, giving a rousing cheer as Chan's character entered the stage. If 1911 does well at the box office you can expect to see much more of Jackie Chan as he rides a wave of death onto the beach of success, ala Biggie and Tupac. His corpse has already had several offers including a Broadway musical based on Chan's life.

NEW RELEASE: phatchance - inkstains acoustic version

PHATCHANCE is the latest hot raper, but I cant remember what label he is on. No doubt he is exploring gorgeous new places with his acoustic rap singing, he was even a featured artist on the long dead website MYSPACE DOT COM.

He made a name for himself among hipster circles by selling fairly floss at the frequent rollerskating face painting parties around sydney. PHATCHANCE would rap to customers while he spun the stick around the fairly floss machine. some people started encouraging him to put out an album and the rest is history. its a heart warming tale about a man who grew up in the swinery! he paid though.

His debut (or "da butt" as the case may be) is all about his journey from humble circus performer to rap superstar and the darling of radio DJs nation wide (a clue that his album probably sucks ass!). For those of us who thought Inkstains had a little bit too much electronics on it there is the new acoustic version (*cough*HilltopHoodsRestrung*cough*) which includes varied instruments such as the guitar, the acoustic guitar, the banjo and the french horn. its like Nirvana unplugged except folk music is not grunge and Phatchance is not Kurt Cobain.



"this lost lamb is desperate for a soft landing"

As far as raps go, PHATCHANCE likes to complain a lot and talk about his feelings, making Lupe Fiasco sound like Lil Fame. He explores deep and meaningful themes like cheating on your wife or sucking sumones dick to get a promotion but he also talks about gettin paid. but you cant even dance to it! and its not nearly offensive enough for my taste. Id rather listen to TWISTA any day of the week! that guy got mad skills and he hip hop.

I recommend this EP to anyone who hates rap music. a perfect gift for your auntie or sister.

but dont take my word for it, heres what others are saying...

"the term 'flogging a dead horse' comes to mind." - Joe Hockey MP

"the instrumentation is organic and lush" - FID76BRA

"It's not wack, what Inkstains is Hip-Hop" - Fubex

vist phat chance on tha internet! http://www.officialphatchance.com/