Secret NBA plan reveals they are collecting all our rebounds

Superstar Lebron James has been implicated in the leaked NBA plan to collect all the rebounds, according to an anonymous whistleblower who was found dead in his Hong Kong hotel room this morning. Local detective Jackie Chan has ruled the case a suicide and was quoted saying "I don't want no trouble."

The leaked documents uploaded to Wikileaks show that NBA commissioner David Stern masterminded the plan to pad Lebron James' career stats (which also count toward Stern's stats as commissioner, according to a controversial new rule change).

Lebron allegedly disguised himself as Sam Bowie before travelling to school playgrounds and gymnasiums around the country where he would run onto the court and aggressively box out players on both teams. After he grabbed the ball he would take out his iPhone, record the rebound on his NBA.com stat-tracker app and run away to find the next victim.

Amateur basketball players worldwide are now scared to attempt a field goal, even when practicing by themselves, for fear of Lebron stealing the rebound and running away with their ball. Some NBA players have complained about Lebron in private but they will not speak on the record because commissioner Stern rules the league with an iron fist and has punished dissidents before.

At time of writing Lebron has managed to pad his stats to 3260 rebounds per game which puts him slightly behind Tim Duncan.

aussie rap songs for you're mom: DRAPHT - RAPUNZEL

Of course, most critics agreed when this song came out that it was one of the worst tracks ever recorded. But you're mom seems to love it. Rapunzel is mainly about a girl with long hair who broke up with Drapht, apparently he cant get over it. The guitar riff, rolling bassline, horns and lyrics about Sex in the City and Russell Crowe (R.I.P) are her cup of tea. Plus he is the most non-threatening male to ever wear a flat brim.

Who cares if Drapht was a member of SBX? He still had one of the worst tracks on Culture of Kings 3...which was a terrible compilation (full of songs you'r mom would probably love).

This is what Drapht looks like when your mom invites him over for dinner and he sits on your couch

Apparently DRAPHT has managed to get his fruityloops record The Life Of Riley on the musical charts and perform his standup rapping routine at several 'music fests', despite the fact that his album bombed so badly that the label never released a second single! lol fail

 Drapht strips off in the vocal booth to record another top 40 ballad
  

visit drapht's dumb myspace: http://www.myspace.com/drapht

vandalise him on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drapht

Why Does Eminem Hate Poland?

POLISH fans of the real Slim Shady have experienced a relapse of their infinite sadness, as the Eminem show has yet again passed over their fine country (which is in a period of economic recovery), causing fans to cry "Without me!??"...just like toy soldiers. Encore.


We all know that feel

Much like Eminem's fictional biggest fan, Stan, the Polish public are pissed off and possibly ready to engage in a tragic murder/suicide over the fact that the white rap singer's latest tour dates do not include the land of waffles and eggplants.

The first rumors indicating that Eminem might hate Poland began to surface in 2003 after an interview with Spin magazine where Eminem was quoted saying "I don't not hate Poland" and "Why can't we just wipe Poland off the map?"

Lars, who works at Warsaw record shop 'Muzant', said that although many of his customers are concerned about the issue, Eminem's views on Poland have not damaged his popularity. "Every week someone asks me when Eminem is coming! Given the number of Eminem appearances in our fine country (zero) I think it's safe to say that he really hates us. What did we ever do to him?"


An artist's rendition of the face Eminem made as he vomited over a Polish flag and lit it on fire

Polish Minister of Foreign Affairs Radoslaw Sikorski was less enthusiastic about the prospect of a visit from Marshall Mathers, citing his facial hair as a potential stumbling block. "Mr Eminem will either shave that stubble or grow a beard before I will allow him into the country. He looks like a boy!"

The drama continues. It remains to be seen whether the real Slim Shady has a guilty conscience but we will have to wait and see if he will visit Poland to sing, for the moment.

WARNING: DANGEROUS MAN "IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE" TO TOUR AUSTRALIA

IT has come to the attention of SkipHopz that famous Mexican rap singer "Immortal Technique" plans to assault our shores later this year. Our sea girt home will provide no protection against this angry boat man who intends to kidnap our women to work in his cocaine blunt rolling factories and assassinate our Governors General.

The shocking news was broken by the appearance of an internet page on Facebook. Mr Technique has proclaimed that he will stage a military coup/tour Australia once this page receives 5000 likes.



Australian immigration officials have not responded to my questions about whether Immortal Technique will be allowed into the country. Here are some important "facts" to keep in mind regarding Mr Technique (if that is his actual name?)

• He once stood in the middle of a road causing a traffic jam with 5 buses just so he could take an admittedly amusing photo which has not been edited in any way
  
• He enjoys Coke Zero, claiming it tastes a lot like Coke
• His idea of a revolution is changing the scent of his Ambi Pur home fragrance
  
• He refuses to deny that he went to jail for putting a scorpion inside a Kinder Surprise egg. What does he have to hide?
• He once caused a big mess in the cereal aisle of a supermarket. It took me ages to clean up and I know it was him

One more thing to think about: How does he know so much about the illuminati if he isn't one of them?

HATERS GONNA HATE

IN my new series of regular posts exposing clowns and haters in the hip hop scene i am bringing u the story of KANYE WESTS collabo with teenage actress/pop princess JUSTINE BIEBER...

Kanye got the idea of lacing a beat with Bieber when they ran into each other at the laser car wash and became facebook buddies. Bieber was recently arrested in las vegas for cocaine posession but Kanye broke her out of jail.





for the beat, "producer" kanye west jacked a beat from wutang because he thought noone would notice. Biebers voice has been described as being like MICHAEL JACKSON (R.I.P) on this track.

the opinion of fans is as always divided...with some threating to burn down biebers house and rape kanye west. it was reported that the Bieber cried after reading comments online about the song.

here are some comments from the haters who i am calling out, SHAME ON YOU

"Bieber is terrible. Utter trash. AWFUL
if you cut him out, and probably kanye too, then the track would be ok. "
-Headlock (well known hater and clown in the scene)

"Justin is the only good thing on the song, but you have to sit thru that no talent thug mumbling and talking his way thru the verses before Justin sprinkles his magic on the song."
-bitch from popular eating website Popeater.com

"hahahaha oooo im so fuckin scared bitch. and bitch im fuckin mexican and role with bp ight hoe.! i got a black guy so dont trip. matter fact your the stupid one here bcuz your the low life tht actually replies bitch wanna catch a fade dont trip leva i got you on check.! go suck a cock and eat shit fuckin looser and like i said wanna tlk shit say it in my face hoe nothing hold you back. come down to my block i aint scared homie.! fuck you and your shit im out.! aratos foo.!"
-KiddohDaisy of youtube