It Wasn't Me (featuring sport bikes)

The music video for this song starts out with Rikrok running to Shaggy's mansion in the city of Highguard to explain to him what has just happened. Rikrok (a Shadow Assassin from the Brass Coast) tells him that he cheated on his girlfriend and got caught. Shaggy tells him to tell her that "It wasn't me."

 We then cut to a flashback to earlier that day. Rikrok has been caught sleeping with another woman, and his girlfriend is outside the apartment in her convertible when two women pull up next to her on their motorcycles (sport bikes).

 The 3 women go into the building. Rikrok sneaks out the window, takes the motorcycle (sport bike) of one of his girlfriend's accomplices and leaves. The women come out and his girlfriend and gets in the convertible, the other women get on their motorcycles (sport bikes) and chase after him.

Shaggy, from his house, and using his futuristic technology tracks down where Rikrok is going and prepares an escape for him. Rikrok then gets on a bridge over the highway when the accomplice rode on the bridge in front of him. He then hits the brakes to stop while she stops her motorcycle (sport bike).

Rikrok then hears a noise behind him & its the other accomplices and the girlfriend driving the convertible on the other side of the bridge with the highway down below, an 18-wheeler drives by and Shaggy leaves him a text message telling him to look behind and he notices the truck and jumps off the side of overhead and lands on the truck.

 He is then dropped off at Shaggy's mansion, showing the same scene from the start of the video.

Rap News Roundup - September 2013

Disgraced diva Rihanna was looking no worse for wear following her kidnapping at the hands of Somali Pirates. She was seen at the beach hollering something about a tsunami warning system, whatever that means. I think she was looking for a marine biologist but nobody could understand her accent. The water at this beach has receded really far!

Rap superstar Eminem walked into the Detroit DMV and announced he would pay for everyone's motor vehicle insurance. He was in a great mood until I began to pester him with questions. Pestered him for a good 5 minutes before his handlers escorted me away. Still no word on Detox, btw.

Reports indicate that vegan rapper Phatchance was seen at a local park surrounded by kittens. He had a variety of nuts and legumes roasting on the communal BBQ. He asked if I wanted a 'steak' as I slowly backed away and broke into a mad dash.

I spotted Ludacris at my 5-year-old cousin's birthday party on the weekend. Luda was folding party balloons into obscene shapes and waving them around. Nobody invited him but he was definitely the life of the party!

Your Boy Bangs has allegedly locked himself in a sporting goods store and is staging mock battles from WW2 using cricket equipment. Perhaps filming a viral video for his new mixtape?

Rapper Kerser to be Killed by RSPCA

Our worst fears have finally come true, Aussie rap superstar KERSER now faces the death penalty after he was reportedly seized and detained by the RSPCA.

File photo of Kerser smoking a funny smelling cigarette

Kerser allegedly escaped from his Sydney home and ventured into the backyard of a neighbour who reported him to the authorities. Kerser is scheduled to be euthanised June 3rd, 2013 at 5 PM based solely on his looks. At the last moment, Kerser received a temporary stay of execution while the case is reviewed.

Relatives claim Kerser "has always been a loving, gentle and playful boy. He has never harmed anyone and is a valuable member of Jade's family."

Kerser has recently released his second studio album and had plans to tour nationally but this has been put on hold while his case is decided.

Alien Planet Supports Life, All Manchester United Fans

NASA held a press conference today confirming that the Voyager space probe had crashed on a previously unknown planet 8.2 light years from earth. As the damaged probe beamed back scientific data and video it was revealed that the alien beings who inhabit this world are huge fans of English soccer team Manchester United.

Head scientist Dr. Waleed Abdalati admitted he was baffled at first. As soon as the spherical Voyager probe crashed it was picked up by one of the local inhabitants and carried to one of the many nearby soccer pitches where humanoid creatures took turns dribbling and kicking it into an empty net, in an imitation of Ryan Giggs' 'goal of the century'. The indigenous life forms of the planet 61 Vir B are similar to humans, the main physiological differences being a larger cranium, a single eye instead of two and an intense obsession with all things Manchester United.

The probe also recorded footage of the surrounding streets, which are all named after former Manchester United players. A row of solid gold statues depicting former United star Cristiano Ronaldo stands on a nearby piazza. Twice a day the alien beings will stop whatever they are doing and run to a nearby TV to observe the sacred Manchester United training session. The local culture is quite advanced, they even have their own version of the internet which is conducted through futuristic fax machines however it is mostly used for fantasy football and streaming Sky Sports and MUTV so they can watch every minute of Manchester United matches and revel in their victories, despite living 7.75763329 × 10^16 meters away from Old Trafford.

NASA experts are divided about the ramifications of this amazing discovery. Dr Abdalati pondered "Does this mean signals from Earth were received by this fledgeling species or could Manchester United's genetic material be carried through space on a meteorite, populating many planets in the universe like a dandelion seed floating on cosmic winds? It could also indicate that Manchester United is an inherent property of space-time itself, guaranteed to manifest itself wherever intelligent life is found."

The latest signals from Voyager have revealed that the locals are gearing up for the end of the season, preparing for the time when they must all become Los Angeles Lakers fans.

Tha Kerser - The Nebulizer REVIEWED

The wee laddie KERSER made a name for himself by (alledgedly) selling 3000 copies of his hot mixtape, without any distro or even brushing his teeth. I also writted about his youtube video which has blown up. His name has created quite a buzz around the homeland of Aussie hip hop; Sydney's North Shore, causing lads to shout "Kerser is the sickest" in the streets.

Now THE NEBULIZER is released, the debut (or 'de butt', as the case may be) album from infamous lad rapper KERSER.

The hotbeats on this album were made by Uncle Nevs from Goonbag Radio. There are some cool joints with innovating rhythms more common to a discotech of the 1940s (Hitler Rap) but with a lot more swearing. These dumb Casio ringtone beats are enough to leave the true rap pioneers spinning in their graves.

This lad will go down in history as the true Aussie Eminem...if Eminem was produced by a shitty Justice cover band. The best track on THE NEBULIZER is "Gonna Get Hi Today", a smooth R&B joint all about smoking your boyfriend's cock. Think about that for a minute.



All of the hooks are terrible, with dumb lyrics like "Do the KERS bitch". These songs are sure to be a huge hit among blithering idiots with no mental capacity. There are also some guest appearances from some lame nobodies in Kerser's crew that will have you throwing bottles at your stereo and yelling at it to stop.

The topics covered by THE KERSER'S range from "Kerser is the sickest" and "Kerser is the dopest" to "Don't fuck with Kerser". Something for everyone...as long as youre a lad on Kerser's dick. THE NEBULIZER seems to be a pretty popular album so far, it even made top of the pops on iTunes! It's a shame Kerser swears so much and is a total jerk to everyone he meets...otherwise his music would get major airplay on Nova for sure!

I give this album a thumbs up. 4 Harolds out of 5, but don't take my word for it.


How can u argue with this? (Pic from Kerser's Facebook page)

Get to know Kerser...THE KERSER FACTS:

• He doesnt own a suit (why would he?)
• He has the Chinese symbol for "I suck dirty dicks for money" tattooed on his arse
• He got the idea to become a rapper when he saw Will Smith in Wild Wild West
• Other lads refer to KERSER as "The Chosen One"
• His cousin is Andrew G from Video Hits
• The Devil tried to buy his soul at the crossroads but Kerser's crew rolled him and ran off with his shoes
• He has a huge dick, that thing is friggin ginormous. He showed it to me on MSN.

RAPPER REPORT CARD
THE KERSER
Vocabulary: 6
Articulation: 8
Creativity: 7
Originality: 8
Versatility: 8
Voice: 6
Records: 7
Stage Presence: 7
Sticking to Themes: 6
Innovating Rhythms: 9
72/100, C
"Take Pride in Your Work"

WARNING: DANGEROUS MAN "IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE" TO TOUR AUSTRALIA

IT has come to the attention of SkipHopz that famous Mexican rap singer "Immortal Technique" plans to assault our shores later this year. Our sea girt home will provide no protection against this angry boat man who intends to kidnap our women to work in his cocaine blunt rolling factories and assassinate our Governors General.

The shocking news was broken by the appearance of an internet page on Facebook. Mr Technique has proclaimed that he will stage a military coup/tour Australia once this page receives 5000 likes.



Australian immigration officials have not responded to my questions about whether Immortal Technique will be allowed into the country. Here are some important "facts" to keep in mind regarding Mr Technique (if that is his actual name?)

• He once stood in the middle of a road causing a traffic jam with 5 buses just so he could take an admittedly amusing photo which has not been edited in any way
  
• He enjoys Coke Zero, claiming it tastes a lot like Coke
• His idea of a revolution is changing the scent of his Ambi Pur home fragrance
  
• He refuses to deny that he went to jail for putting a scorpion inside a Kinder Surprise egg. What does he have to hide?
• He once caused a big mess in the cereal aisle of a supermarket. It took me ages to clean up and I know it was him

One more thing to think about: How does he know so much about the illuminati if he isn't one of them?