Bill Cosby Dead Following Freak "Accident"

According to official sources, actor and comedian Bill Cosby has passed away following a freak accident on the set of Dancing with the Stars.

The tragic accident happened during a rehearsal while filming at ABC Studios. Cosby was attempting to perform a waltz when he partner, a professional samba instructor, threw him into the air. Cosby landed awkwardly on his ankle, causing it to snap on impact. His leg collapsed on jagged piece of bone, piercing an artery. Doctors attempted to amputate and stop the flow of blood but were unable to save Bill Cosby's life. He died in the ambulance while being rushed to hospital.

Cosby's inclusion in the show was controversial. He was brought in as a last-minute replacement for Gary Busey who was unable to commit to the filming schedule. A fan poll on the official Dancing website picked Cosby as the most wanted celebrity.

Earlier in the week Cosby posted a candid video to Youtube where he expressed doubts about his dancing skills, making chilling comments like "Kids these days with their breakdance and their mambo number 5. Maybe its time for this old man to shuffle off the stage."

Rapper Kerser to be Killed by RSPCA

Our worst fears have finally come true, Aussie rap superstar KERSER now faces the death penalty after he was reportedly seized and detained by the RSPCA.

File photo of Kerser smoking a funny smelling cigarette

Kerser allegedly escaped from his Sydney home and ventured into the backyard of a neighbour who reported him to the authorities. Kerser is scheduled to be euthanised June 3rd, 2013 at 5 PM based solely on his looks. At the last moment, Kerser received a temporary stay of execution while the case is reviewed.

Relatives claim Kerser "has always been a loving, gentle and playful boy. He has never harmed anyone and is a valuable member of Jade's family."

Kerser has recently released his second studio album and had plans to tour nationally but this has been put on hold while his case is decided.

Jay-Z's Career Shows Warming Trend, 95% of Experts Agree

A new report by the International Panel on Rapping has concluded that rapper Jay-Z's career is hotter than ever and shows no signs of cooling down.

The 400 page report is the largest and most detailed summary of Jay-Z ever undertaken, produced by thousands of rappers, DJs, and reviewers from dozens of countries. It confirms that Jigga's beats and lyrics are indeed hot, and are warming at a greater rate than initially predicted.

The report has been the subject of criticism. Skeptics contend that Jay-Z's weaker albums are not sufficiently incorporated in the report. Others regard the IPR as too conservative in its estimates of the source of warming, arguing that the strength of Jay's music is due to the world-class producers he works with, not his lyrical content or delivery. Some have even suggested that the report is a fabrication by iTunes with the assistance of Amazon.com and it ignores the obvious fact that Reasonable Doubt is Jigga's hottest album, hands down.

Alien Planet Supports Life, All Manchester United Fans

NASA held a press conference today confirming that the Voyager space probe had crashed on a previously unknown planet 8.2 light years from earth. As the damaged probe beamed back scientific data and video it was revealed that the alien beings who inhabit this world are huge fans of English soccer team Manchester United.

Head scientist Dr. Waleed Abdalati admitted he was baffled at first. As soon as the spherical Voyager probe crashed it was picked up by one of the local inhabitants and carried to one of the many nearby soccer pitches where humanoid creatures took turns dribbling and kicking it into an empty net, in an imitation of Ryan Giggs' 'goal of the century'. The indigenous life forms of the planet 61 Vir B are similar to humans, the main physiological differences being a larger cranium, a single eye instead of two and an intense obsession with all things Manchester United.

The probe also recorded footage of the surrounding streets, which are all named after former Manchester United players. A row of solid gold statues depicting former United star Cristiano Ronaldo stands on a nearby piazza. Twice a day the alien beings will stop whatever they are doing and run to a nearby TV to observe the sacred Manchester United training session. The local culture is quite advanced, they even have their own version of the internet which is conducted through futuristic fax machines however it is mostly used for fantasy football and streaming Sky Sports and MUTV so they can watch every minute of Manchester United matches and revel in their victories, despite living 7.75763329 × 10^16 meters away from Old Trafford.

NASA experts are divided about the ramifications of this amazing discovery. Dr Abdalati pondered "Does this mean signals from Earth were received by this fledgeling species or could Manchester United's genetic material be carried through space on a meteorite, populating many planets in the universe like a dandelion seed floating on cosmic winds? It could also indicate that Manchester United is an inherent property of space-time itself, guaranteed to manifest itself wherever intelligent life is found."

The latest signals from Voyager have revealed that the locals are gearing up for the end of the season, preparing for the time when they must all become Los Angeles Lakers fans.

Lady Gaga Diagnosed with Brain Cancer

Lady Gaga has been diagnosed with cancer, according to some news websites and twitter. Sad news, everyone at Skiphopz.com hopes she can pull through lest she become another member of the 27 club.

Lady Gaga said she had felt a strange headache during the first half of her performance during a charity concert last weekend. The singer is expected to announce the cancellation of her upcoming tour today, so she can focus on receiving treatment.

Celebrities including lifelong friend Snoop Dogg have been quick to support Gaga in her battle with cancer, taking to twitter and facebook to post messages of support.

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Aussie Rap Celeb Sightings

Hip hop hottie IGGY AZALEA was smoking hot at Bondi Beach yesterday. She was directing some young children to build a BMX track out of sand. Somebody tried to explain that you cant ride bikes on sand and the tide was coming in but she soldiered on regardless.

I just had a close encounter with the main man CHANCE WATERS at McDonalds. He was holding up the drive-thru by ordering nothing but fries and salads, asking the cashier how the lettuce and potatoes were transported. After delivering his monologue he eventually drove away without getting anything.

Rap battle dude DECOY was allegedly seen officiating a rap battle between 2 dogs in a supermarket carpark. He gave up after his Shure SM58 became covered in drool, declaring that the dogs had squashed the beef and it was time to move on.

I saw rapping sensation 360 at my local gym, he is there all the time. Once again he was wiping sweat off the exercise machines and squeezing it into tiny green bottles, I couldn't get close enough to read the yellowing labels. I hope he gets enough sweat!

Zac Hanson Dead at 26, pop star found floating in pool of cocaine

It has come to the attention of Skip Hopz that the youngest member of pop group Hanson is dead.

According to Peehole Magazine, Family members found Hanson unresponsive and without a pulse early Saturday morning at his estate. They went to look for him after he posted a call for help on his twitter page. First responders were able to revive Hanson but sources close to the family suggest he died after being transported to the University of Michigan Medical Center in Ann Arbor. Hanson's family said the man had no history of substance abuse. The exact cause of death remains unknown and is still under investigation.

 "First its Amy Winehouse then its little Zac Hanson, they grow up and die so fast" tweeted Jermaine Dupri, a lifelong friend of Zac Hanson.

Zac Hanson was allegedly posting on twitter about how he was about to sniff a big bag of petrol and shove Textas(TM) up his nose. The posts were deleted when news of his death started to circulate around the web. Its so sad that this young buck we all had a crush on is not immune to the dangerous rock star lifestyle.

Rest in peace, Zac Hanson we hardly knew you...

RAP CELEBS spotted in tha wyld!

Aussie hip hopper TRILL was seen at a popular beach, he kept swimming out to the buoys and messing around with them. This activity has prompted the coastguard to nickname him 'The buoy fiddler'. Apparently the young man cannot keep his hands off the buoys. Gulls remain unaffected by his nefarious activities.


I saw the famous rapman MEMPHIS BLEEK in the flesh. He was quite friendly, approaching and eating pellets out of my hand. He even let me pat him on the head and run my fingers through his hair before he suddenly tried to bite my hand off!


Rap spinner DJ REFLUX was spotted at a local club. He kept stealing records from the DJ's crate while they weren't looking and cutting the corners off the record sleeves. He appears to be storing these in a modified stamp album.


Popular rap know-it-all BLUEBIRD (from those forums) was seen swimming around in the Tasman Sea. Apparently he was on a flight to New Zealand when he suddenly stood up and said "I can't take it anymore, I'm in an aeroplane over the sea? This is too mainstream for me!" then somehow managed to open the emergency exit and jump out, creating a torrent of explosive decompression that claimed my Palm Pilot. I hope he had a parachute and a pretty good life raft in his carry on luggage!

Celebs Spotted: DEAD OR ALIVE

I was lucky enough to see Sir Bill Cosby's Corpse performing an impromptu standup gig at the Adelaide Fringe Festival. The great one has lost none of his charm, he had the audience eating out of his maggot infested hand as he ran through some of his famous routines such as standing upright supported by a wooden pole while flies buzzed around his decomposing flesh for 45 minutes. No encore?



My cousin Steve caught a glimpse of young buck Orlando Bloom at the beach. The mad actor was shoving his cock into the beaks of pelicans while loudly proclaiming that it was the only species with a mouth large enough to suck him off. He was looking buff too!



I was surprised to see Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz at my school for show and tell. He stood up in front of my class and spent 2 hours showing us pictures of his Cadillac Escalade and Volkswagen Jetta. He wouldn't leave until we all agreed that his cars were awesome, it was weird because he doesn't even go to my school and he is like 25 years old.

I also saw some reports of Solomon Klepto stabbing cunts in Dandy but that's neither here nor there...

90s Rappers: where are they now???

The 90s were the golden age of rap. Wealthy industrialists invested heavily in rap stocks and the funky cold medina was plentiful. Nobody could have guessed that the jiggy rap crash of the early 2000s was only a few short years away.

Have you ever wondered what happened to your favourite rappers from the 90s? In this new series of regular posts I will give u the 411 on these one hit wonders...


WILL "BIG WILLIE" SMITH
Famous for: His mom getting scared, relocating to cohabitate with relatives in the Los Angeles suburb of Bel Air. Blowing up the white house.
Where is he now: Making another Bad Boys movie. I am not making this up.


SNOW
Famous for: Being white. Ruining MC Shan's career with his infamous hit single 'Informer' (WARNING: DO NOT CLICK, YOU WILL BE SORRY)
Where is he now: Mysteriously out of prison, not being hassled by police at all. Meanwhile all his former friends are no doubt rotting in jail and out for revenge. The drama continues.


NAS
Famous for: Being dissed by our lord and savior Jay-Z.
Where is he now: Changed his name to 'N' (just one syllable). Allegedly still releasing music, probably on some small label nobody cares about.

Celebs Spotted!!!!!11!11oneoneone111eleven

 
Spotted the infamous DJ MUGGS of Cypress Hill running things at an underground cockfight in a cave. He looked pretty weeded and the birds kept scratching him. He has aged terribly.


I ran into notorious Chaser comedian JULIAN MORROW at an 8 Mile-esque rap battle. I figured I could get some free publicity by beating him but he utterly destroyed me, he was dropping multis and words that had me reaching for a dictionary. He explained that the performance was dedicated to a special girl.


Famously bad rapper ELF TRANZPORTER was seen at the fires of Mount Doom last week. He was holding some small piece of jewellery in his hand, trying to decide what to do. Hope he made the right choice!


Local legend MICHAEL CERA was identified snatching handbags. He was prancing around south central LA with the look of a deranged madman, yelling to police that he couldnt be stopped. Totally unacceptable behaviour for a role model, he paid though.

More Aussie hip hop celebs spotted

Saw Officer CLINT DOGG at my local police station. He dragged a homeless looking guy into one of the questioning rooms, yelling something about him being a double agent. It sounded like he was giving him a pretty rough time in there!

Acoustic crooner PHATCHANCE ran out in front of my car while I was stopped at traffic lights in Sydney yesterday. He was wearing a striped shirt and mime facepaint. He pretended there was a wall in front of him then he climbed an imaginary rope for a while and ran away before I could give him a tip. I got out of my car and chased after him but he was gone in the blink of an eye.

Rap guy COPTIC SOLJA was seen at a local Borders store that was having a closing down sale. He kept asking if the prices had come down yet. Then I saw him trying to haggle down the price of an Asterix book. In the end he paid with a gift voucher. Hope he got a good deal!

Spotted the infamous Funkoar TRIALS at Sportsgirl in Arndale shopping centre. He was hanging around the fitting rooms asking girls if they needed any help. What a gentleman!

tha adventure continues

Now playing: Every Record Label Sucks Dick - R.A. The Rugged Man

I played this like 15 times straight yesterday, mainly to piss off my roomate who swears out loud at the TV in his room all day as he plays video games [all i ever hear is "Ohhhhh SHIT!" "fuck that shit son!", "oh damn. FUCK!"], tries to have conversations with me about his "battle skills" and how Dame Dash approached him at a Freeway show to come record at some studio, and on top of that his IDOL is fucken Papoose. PAPOOSE! For fucks sake, fair enough if you like his music, but why the fuck would he be your idol?!!? He also says white people can't/shouldnt rap but has a huge picture of Eminem on his wall. ("Yeh son, but he shoulda been born black" - Firstly im not your fucken son, and secondly your fucken wrong.) So all i ever do is play white rap singers real loud, and abstract hip hop and UK and Australian rappers.

they drove it like its hot, end of an era

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update

I have been away for some time now. The reason for this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I believe it will be a pleasant one.

I will detail it all here when I have gathered the salient facts, of which I have few and almost all are confused. The bare truth of the incident is, however, unconfused, and as clear to me as my own flesh and blood. It is what we all strive for here, even if we do not always all believe in it. I hope this will bring enlightenment to you as it did to me. I have done it - albeit only temporarily and entirely by accident.

I have been to the Digital world.