Is THE GAME a clone of 50 CENT and DR DRE? I'm just asking questions!

New evidence has come to light in the curious case of popular rap singer THE GAME and his mysterious origins, calling into question the "official story" they want us to believe.

"The Game sounds eeriely like a clone of Dr. Dre as he spits his shit"
-RapReviews.com

When The Game was shot on October 1st 2001 he was rushed to hospital and went into a coma for three days. On the fourth day, hospital staff entered his room and found him missing! A security tape later surfaced showing 50 Cent and Dr Dre entering the building at approximately 2:15 AM on the morning of October 5th. The hospital refused to investigate the matter further. In 2005 MTV interviewed Dr Dre but he refused to answer any questions about the incident.

The truth is that Dre and 50 knew The Game from a young age and followed his progress closely. They groomed him to be the perfect rapping machine, giving him classic rap albums to listen to and explaining the finer points of hip hop culture, like how to roll a blunt and all about those spinning rims.

After escaping the hospital, The Game was rushed to Dr Dre's home studio where a team of interns prepped him for surgery. Dr Dre leaned over his body and whispered into his ear "You are ready, my son." 50 Cent then injected him with a DNA infusion (combined with frozen stem cells taken from the corpse of Eazy-E, after Dr Dre figured out how to cure and remove the AIDS) and the transformation was complete.

From this point on The Game was a totally different person. He was already an accomplished rapper but the DNA of 50 and Dre was making him into a rap superstar the likes of which the world had never seen. His body was the same but the mind had transformed beyond recognition.

After the release of The Documentary everything seemed to be going well. The Game was offered a seat a Dr Dre's table and ate dinner with his family every night. He coddled the young man the same way he coddled Eminem, making beats for him and even buying him a Lambo for his birthday. The Game responded in kind, surprising Dr Dre by getting a tattoo of his album The Chronic.

Their close relationship was making 50 Cent jealous, he resented the role Dre was playing as a father. 50 was not satisfied with The Game's debut album. He wanted to take over the entire rap game. He wanted to make The Game into a mercenary, a natural born killer, and just diss everyone.

This new direction did not sit well with The Game. He lashed out at 50, and one of the most epic feuds in the history of rap was born. Dr Dre was disappointed with this turn of events but 50 Cent ended up getting exactly what he wanted by finally unleashing The Game's hidden potential, to the benefit of rap fans worldwide.

Sources used for this post:
Hip Hop Horror Theories
IMDB Biography - The Game
RapReviews - Doctor's Advocate
Youtube - 'clones from ancient egypt..obama..michael jackson..50 cent..illuminati past life conspiracy'

Secret NBA plan reveals they are collecting all our rebounds

Superstar Lebron James has been implicated in the leaked NBA plan to collect all the rebounds, according to an anonymous whistleblower who was found dead in his Hong Kong hotel room this morning. Local detective Jackie Chan has ruled the case a suicide and was quoted saying "I don't want no trouble."

The leaked documents uploaded to Wikileaks show that NBA commissioner David Stern masterminded the plan to pad Lebron James' career stats (which also count toward Stern's stats as commissioner, according to a controversial new rule change).

Lebron allegedly disguised himself as Sam Bowie before travelling to school playgrounds and gymnasiums around the country where he would run onto the court and aggressively box out players on both teams. After he grabbed the ball he would take out his iPhone, record the rebound on his NBA.com stat-tracker app and run away to find the next victim.

Amateur basketball players worldwide are now scared to attempt a field goal, even when practicing by themselves, for fear of Lebron stealing the rebound and running away with their ball. Some NBA players have complained about Lebron in private but they will not speak on the record because commissioner Stern rules the league with an iron fist and has punished dissidents before.

At time of writing Lebron has managed to pad his stats to 3260 rebounds per game which puts him slightly behind Tim Duncan.

RIHANNA CAPTURED BY SOMALI PIRATES, PART 1

Reuters- Barbados
10/05/2013 
6:12 AM
(this story is still developing)

RIHANNA CAPTURED BY SOMALI PIRATES, PART 1

Police reports from the Principality of Barbados have confirmed what we all feared the most; pop princess Rihanna has been captured by the infamous Somali Pirates.

Rumors of the harrowing adventure began to surface last week when a series of cryptic tweets from Rihanna showed that something was amiss. She was sailing down the Ivory Coast to visit relatives when her three mast flagship was allegedly boarded by men wearing towels around their heads and packing uzis. When the captain's throat was slit the remaining crew members gave themselves up and threw themselves upon the mercy of the Somalian sea-dogs, offering to join their cause, but they were thrown overboard. Two smaller vessels carrying Rihanna's extended entourage were also commandeered. A statement on the Somali Pirates Facebook page reports that cargo carried by the fleet was also seized, including several casks of spices and chests brimming with Spanish pieces of eight. An offer of ransom has been made but Interscope Records are refusing to pay the $5 million.

Tweets by Rihanna indicate that she was chained to a lockbox in the captain's cabin as the ship sailed North with the trade winds, eventually making anchor at the notorious pirate den: Port Royal, Jamacia. There the Somali Pirates offloaded most of their cargo at the favourable local exchange rate and used their gold to restock their supplies, including a large amount of ammunition. They also purchased several new ships of the line. Rihanna told fans via Twitter that she was not allowed to leave the ship and had no change of clothes. This was the last confirmed Tweet by Rihanna herself before the Somali Pirates either hacked her Twitter account or confiscated her phone.

Later that night the Pirates returned under the cover of darkness and burned the Port Royal market district to the ground, recovering most of their spent gold and pillaging goods from several waterfront warehouses before stealing one of Richard Branson's finest yachts and sailing away. Cannons fired from the seawall fort were unable to prevent their escape, a fleet of privateers (legal pirates) was soon sent in pursuit.

A spokesperson for the Jamaican Naval Defence Force has confirmed that a police vessel cornered the pirates in a secluded cove on the morning of May 7th. A negotiator was unable to communicate with the pirates as they apparently don't know how to operate their radio. Rihanna's captors responded with cursing and small arms fire but the bullets did not have enough range to penetrate the armoured hull. The police boat opened fire with a 60mm anti-tank rifle. Out-gunned  the pirates turned sail and attempted to flee, but not before Branson's prized yacht was punctured and began to sink. As the pirates rounded the cove they spotted the privateer fleet on the horizon; the trap was sprung.

Rihanna watched from the porthole of her cabin as the enemies of piracy closed in, freedom at last! But her elation was short lived, as one of the stronger, fatter pirates barged into the captain's cabin and knifed the captain in the guts. A mutiny was afoot! The new captain explained the situation to the other vessels via walkie-talkie and each boat sailed away in a different direction: port, starboard etc.

After sailing for 2 days the pirate captain admitted to Rihanna that they were lost at sea, with no land in sight. The other boats were out of walkie-talkie range, their crews most likely captured by police and hanged in Port Royal. Unfortunately all the stocks of rum and food were on the other boats, Rihanna and the skeleton crew were forced to survive by smearing raw spices on hand grenades and licking them. Rihanna waited until her captors were distracted by a passing dolphin/mermaid and began to chew through her restraints with razor sharp fangs.

As the captain was sick in his bed with cinnamon poisoning Rihanna made her move. Tearing the chains away from her naked body, she grabbed a matchlock pistol and ran abovedecks where she loudly explained that another mutiny was afoot. Her barbados accent was easy for the pirates to understand and they threw themselves at her feet, hailing her as queen of the pirates. Rihanna then explained that the sun rises in the East and sets in the West, and they could use this little-known fact to plot a course for home.

As their ragged ship sailed into the Gulf of Mexico, Rihanna had a change of heart as she stood on the deck wearing her pirate rags and admiring the blood-red sunset over the country of her birth. The crispy sea air and smell of vomit and semen was intoxicating. Of course it was tempting to return to her abusive boyfriend and record deal with the label that didn't care to pay her ransom, but what if she was to become queen of the pirates for real? She had nothing to lose. Just then a police boat hailed them on the radio, they were required to identify themselves...

TO BE CONTINUED

Rihanna's Pirate Facts:

"if u are trapped with somali pirates just remember these simple facts"

• They have an extreme disregard for authority
• Pirates rarely/never wash hands
• Can't operate a simple radio
• Have a lot of different guns but don't know which kind of bullets go with each, often end up jamming their weapons and throwing them overboard

The 5 Realest Rap Criminals

THE anals of hip hop history are full of rappers acting hard and admitting to crimes they never really did. But there are some rappers who walked the walk. Skiphopz Dot Com counts down 5 of the realest criminals in rap...


5. LLOYD BANKS

Coming in at number 5 on the list, Mr Lloyd Banks has terrorized dozens of people with his annoying act of stealing umbrellas. Whenever he leaves a cafe or indoor location where people store umbrellas near the entrance, he takes one. When an elderly man pointed out "Thats my umbrella" Lloyd simply replied "Come and take it!" before skipping out the door laughing. None of the victims have pressed charges and at the time of writing he remains a rap criminal at large.



4. DR. DRE

The public facade of 'The Good Doctor' is nothing more than an elaborate ruse invented by the infamous Dr Dre while he continues to work his dark arts behind closed doors. These unspeakable acts make him our 4th most feared assassin of all time. The fact that Dre never went to medical school has not stopped him from opening his own medical practice, fronted by a real doctor named Dr Marshall Mathers, where he allegedly cuts people up into small pieces and sews them back together in his spare time. In a recent interview Dre said his "work" is nearly complete and Detox will be released soon, we can only guess at what secrets lie behind that mysterious locked door in his basement.



3. RICK ROSS

Number 3 on our list of dumbest criminal masterminds is none other than the fat man himself, Rick Ross. Ross decided he would steal five cents from every bank account in the world, thinking he could make a lot of money and remain undetected. So he started hanging around ATMs and beating people up, stealing their cards and forcing them to give up their PIN at knifepoint, then he would withdraw the five cents. Rick Ross has made over $15 from these crimes. He is a wanted criminal in 9 states, his current whereabouts unknown.



2. VINNIE PAZ

The 'Pazmanian Devil' is as notorious as he is feared. He made his name sneaking into orphanages during feeding time, using his babyface to avoid detection by the guards. He would make his way to the head of the feeding line, hold a bowl in to the air and say "Please sir, may I have some more?" before pulling out a samurai sword and going to town, brutally slicing the throats of any who dare try to run. He would then sit in the bloodsoaked room eating his fill of beans and porridge. If you see a fat manchild covered in tattoos please call Crimestoppers, you can remain anonymous if you wish.



1. WILL SMITH

Our number one rapping serial killer has to be Big Willie himself, Will 'The Fresh Prince' Smith. His sadistic acts are legendary, starting with the rape and murder of a young girl in 1990. Once his brutality was unleashed, he knew no boundaries, torturing, killing, cannibalizing victims, both male and female.

With the release of his Code Red album in 1993, Smith's lyrics became darker as he ruminated on the terrible events of 1990. One night after a concert in Florida he became angry with a young girl for laughing at him when he propositioned her for sex. He beat her until she was unconscious with the help of 'Jazzy Jeff', then raped, sodomized, and tortured her before dumping her weighted body into a swamp. Jazzy Jeff was shaken by the experience and begged Will Smith to turn himself in, but Smith simply laughed, pulled out a dagger and threatened to cut off Jeff's balls if he ever spoke of what happened this night. Will Smith continued to kill after each live performance. Encouraged by his success he worked on mastering this skill of torture, often keeping his mutilated victims alive for weeks. The killings became more macabre and sadistic each year, he sometimes cannibalized parts of their bodies while they watched in horror or forced them to participate in the eating.



In 1997 the hip hop task force special investigation into the missing groupies was turning up enough leads that pointed the finger at Smith. After a search of Will Smith's estate uncovered clothing worn by one of the girls, Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff were indited for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. While awaiting trial in prison, Jazzy Jeff broke down under police pressure and told authorities about Will Smith's other killings, starting in 1990.

Two weeks before he was due to give evidence at the murder trial, Jazzy Jeff disappeared. Two weeks later his scrotum was discovered nailed to the door of the New York Supreme Court. Will Smith claimed he had nothing to do with it, and the prosecution was forced to dismiss the case due to a lack of evidence. The families of the victims were outraged. They claimed Will Smith's powerful Hollywood connections were influencing the course of justice.

The mysterious disappearances of groupies on Will Smith's world tours had almost stopped in 1999, until Smith ordered a press conference and taunted police by saying the 'Willenium' was coming and he could not be stopped. In the decade form 2000 to 2010 there were at least 180 confirmed cases of girls, some as young as 12, disappearing after being last seen at a Will Smith concert. Some experts have claimed Will Smith may be the most prolific serial killer of all time.

Listening to Canibus 'permanently lowers IQ', new study finds

World Global Reuters Daily - 7 September 2013

  TEENAGERS who regularly listen to popular rap artist Canibus are putting themselves at risk of permanently damaging their intelligence, according to a landmark study. 

  Researchers found persistent listeners of the rapper, who started listening to his music at school, had lower IQ scores as adults.  They were also significantly more likely to have attention and memory problems in later life, than their peers who listened to normal music. Furthermore, those who started as teenagers and listened heavily, but quit as adults, did not regain their full mental powers, found academics at King’s College London and Duke University in the US.

The rapper Canibus, one of the major health concerns in America today

  Professor Terrie Moffitt, of KCL’s Institute of Psychiatry, who contributed to the study, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, said “persistent listeners” who started as teenagers suffered a drop of twelve IQ points at the age of 28, compared to when they were 15. Persistent users meant those who listened to at least one Canibus album per week from ages from 18 to 28. She said: “Adolescent-onset Canibus listeners showed marked IQ decline from childhood to adulthood.

  “Research has shown that IQ is a strong determinant of a person’s access to a college education, their lifelong total income, their access to a good job, their performance on the job, their tendency to develop heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and even early death,” she said. “Individuals who lose twelve IQ points in their teens and 20s may be disadvantaged, relative to their same-age peers, in most of the important aspects of life and for years to come.” The cognitive abilities of the 10 per cent of people who started listening to Canibus in their 20s also suffered while they were still listening. However, if they gave up at least a year before their IQ test at 28, their intelligence recovered, suggesting their brains were more resilient and bounced back.

 This man never had a chance, due to Canibus damaging his brain at a young age

  Prof Moffitt said adolescent brains appeared "more vulnerable to damage and disruption" from Canibus than those of fully mature adults. Reliable figures on Canibus usage among today’s British teens and twentysomethings are hard to come by. But Prof Moffitt said there was growing concern in the US that Canibus was increasingly becoming seen as one of the greatest lyricists of our time. “This is the first year that more secondary school students in the US are listening to Canibus than Eminem, according to the Monitoring the Future project at the University of Michigan,” she noted. “Fewer now think Canibus is more damaging than Lil Wayne, but Canibus is harmful for the very young.”

Charlie Sheen Reported Dead

http://theglobaldaily.net/news/1333170639.html

Controversial actor Charlie Sheen was found dead in his Los Angeles home earlier this morning, according to police.

Reports of the death started circulating the internet via Twitter a few hours ago and they were recently confirmed by Sheen's publicist. Although the cause of death was not mentioned it is suspected that drugs were involved. What is known at this point is that at approximately 6:40 EST a family member checked him into Palo Alto Memorial Hospital of an apparent overdose, and the former actor died a few hours later.

Charlie Sheen's film roles have included Chris Taylor in the 1986 Vietnam War drama Platoon, Jake Kesey in the 1986 film The Wraith, and Bud Fox in the 1987 film Wall Street. His career has also included more comedic films such as Major League, the Hot Shots! films, and Scary Movie 3 and Scary Movie 4. On television, Sheen is known for his roles on two sitcoms: as Charlie Crawford on Spin City and as Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men. In 2010, Sheen was the highest paid actor on television, earning US$1.8 million per episode of Two and a Half Men.

Sheen's personal life has also made headlines, including reports about alcohol and drug abuse and marital problems as well as allegations of domestic violence. He was fired from his role on Two and a Half Men by CBS and Warner Bros. on March 7, 2011. Sheen subsequently announced a nationwide tour.

Charlie Sheen was loved by many fans around the world, he will be remembered as one of the best actors of the last century. Thousands of fans have expressed their shock and grief on social networking websites such as Twitter, with famous people contributing and offering support to the friends and family as well. Lifelong friend Jenna Elfman Tweeted 'I can't believe he is really gone...the world is poorer for it'. Charlie Sheen was 46 years old.

Your Choice: Kingz - Figgkidd and the Hall of Fameoz

In this new regular feature I will pay homage to the dopest oldschool kingz in the Aussie rap scene.

First inductee to the Oz Hip Hop HALL OF FAMEOZ: FIGGKIDD



The magical legend of Figgkidd started in 2004, when a young buck took time off playing Runescape to be discovered by a hotshot record executive while rapping to his mum in the shower. He got a deal with Sony and the rest his history...

He built up a lot of buzz on internet forums and released his debut album What Is Figgkidd in 2004. It had a lot of people confused at the time, everyone was eager to find out what a Figgkidd was. Once they found out they became loyal fans for life. Figgkidd's unique Eminem style was a perfect fit for the Aussie rap industry and he became a household name.




what am i watching

Maybe the success came a bit too soon for Figgkidd, as he found himself in the heady world of Channel V fame and cocaine hooker binges. During this time he was fucking so many bitches he couldn't even get his dick hard. The music suffered when he started rapping dumb fairytale shit that nobody wanted to hear, the intricite lyrics replaced with songs ghostwritten by infamous jerk Mark Holden. He even re-released his first album in a desperate attempt to recapture the magic but nobody seemed to care what a Figgkidd was anymore.

The post 2007 era (known to diehard 'Kidd fans as the 'Figgkidd Rennasaince') has been great for Aussie hip hop. Major acts like 360 and Hilltop Hoods get played on Nova every day but it wasn't always like this, they owe it all to Figgkidd; the Australian Eminem who broke through and showed us how our dope local rappers could compete with the best in the world. He still ranks in the official top 5 gifted lyricists to come out of the Southern Hemisphere.

Recently his Myspace page was hacked and the music was replaced with some dumb sounding rap music. In 2011 you can still catch the ghost of Figgkidd posting his inane responses to things on youtube but I wouldn't recommend it. The older headz are the only people who remember how dope Figgkidd was, and how Figgkiddmania gripped Australia in the summer of 2004. The legend of a young, upcoming Eminem will live forever in our hearts and the SKIPHOPZ OZ HIP HOP HALL OF FAMEOZ.

RAPPER REPORT CARD
FIGGKIDD
Vocabulary: 8
Articulation: 9
Creativity: 8
Originality: 10
Versatility: 9
Voice: 10
Records: 10
Stage Presence: 7
Sticking to Themes: 5
Innovating Rhythms: 7
83/100, B
"Silver Star"

Basketball Jones: Secret NBA History including Yinka Dare and the Jordan Conspiracy

In this regular new feature I will report on the happenings around the National BBall Angrymen (NBA). All sports fans know that basketball has been CANCELLED FOREVER due to a lack of interest. Only 4 teams wanted to enter the league this season...what a piece of shit. In the meantime lets look back over the history of America's Game...

In 1734 Dr Julius Erving discovered basketball after he got bored and started throwing large orange balls into a peach basket. He was committed to a mental institution where the game took off, and the NBA was born. In those days the game was very different; fundamentals like dunking and dribbling were banned and only white people were allowed to play.

The popularity of the game spread overseas during the Cold War years, with China taking an interest in the development of players. Two professional B-ball players sent their son to China to be moulded into the ultimate killing machine and baller, that child's name was Michael Jordan.



Jordan cut his teeth in operations for the secret joint China-American government in the 1970s, killing thousands of dissidents in South American countries as part of a black-ops death squad that also included Sam Bowie and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Finally he was drafted to the Chicago Cows in 1985 and the legend was born, he averaged an incredible 3.55 turnovers per game in his rookie year.

However critics have alleged that Jordan's amazing statistics are not legit; there are documented cases where the referees would call a foul or even a timeout when one of Jordan's shots was about to miss. Opposition players were often called for fouling Jordan when they were on the other side of the court or sitting on the bench. Sometimes points scored by Luc Longley (one of the most underrated players of all time) would mysteriously turn up on Jordan's box score, and the scorers claimed that they couldn't tell the players apart.

In one 1994 playoff game against the New York Knicks Jordan had not scored a single point in the first half, so the referee allowed him to stand under the basket at halftime and throw the ball through the hoop 20 times, and for some reason each shot counted as a 3 pointer. The other team were allowed to guard him during this time but they were forced to do so while standing in their coach's technical area which made it very difficult indeed.

Another controversial moment was when the NBA decided to count Michael Jordan's games in Bill Murray's movie Space Jam towards his career totals, causing his ppg to skyrocket and Jordanmania to grip Britain and the world. The cash was rolling in and China were making their investment back off all the shoes and singlets they were selling.

But there was one problem for Jordan and his band of Manchurian mercenaries: a young kid named Yinka Dare who was changing the way the game was played. His coming was prophecised by Leonardo DiVinci and the man did not disappoint! Yinka's dominance of the NBA attracted attention from the CIA, he was framed for match fixing and forced out of the game. Later he would be assassinated after he threatened to blow the whistle on the Jordan conspiracy, making room for lesser players like Shawuille O'Neal (who was made from parts of Yinka's DNA) to take over the game.



To this day Yinka Dare's Come Dare With Me video series is illegal to be in possession of, or upload on youtube. Yinka's 'Triple Murder Crossover' remains illegal in 48 states because it broke too many ankles.

The next evolution came in 1996 when Steve Jobs and David Stern conspired to change the way the game was played once again. With help from MIT they created an android capable of playing basketball and got him drafted to the NBA. The name of that android was Kobe Bryant. Each year a new model was produced with improved attributes and groundbreaking new AI created by EA Sports. Sometimes the new sofware had some bad bugs that caused his programming to go haywire and make him rape somebody.

Regardless, Kobe continued to dominate the league until the secret blueprints were stolen by the devious John Crotty and other teams created their own robot players, like Lebron and D-Wade. Lets hope the drama of the NBA can continue for another 500 years.

Melbourne Victory and Liverpool fans in tears

The football season has gone from bad to worse for 2 clubs on opposite sides of the globe. Liverpool and Melbourne have failed so hard that many are wondering if either club will be around for next season.

Former European giants LIVERPOOL have had one of the worst seasons in the history of world football, with humiliating losses to Stoke, Michael Bolton and famously shitty team Spurs.

Star striker Stevie Gerrard has admitted that the club are not playing well. In a post match press conference he told reporters that he was sick of losing every week and had been calling other clubs asking if he could come and maybe play a match for them or even just sit on the bench.

To make matters worse, former 'Pool favourite Fernando Torres missed a shot on an open goal, prompting many pundits to question whether he has ever scored a goal before or even knows how to kick a ball through the 2 white posts.

Crowd attendance at Liverpool games has been falling since they were overtaken by Manchester City as the 4th best team in English football. With fan support and popularity hitting rock bottom this season, many pundits are wondering if the club will ever recover.

Meanwhile in Australia, fallen "glamour club" MELBOURNE VICTORY are doing no better. The club recently made a deal to sign journeyman winger (who never tracks back) Harry Kewell. Unfortunately he tore both his achillies tendons while getting off the plane, it looks like he will be out of action for about 4 years.

According to football writer Philip Micallef, Kewell could be banned from playing in the A-League: "Kewell has yet to put pen on paper and it could all end up in tears because the Socceroos hero will be barred from playing in the A-League unless he signs a Standard Player Contract (SPC) like everybody else...Banning Kewell would be a highly unpopular and controversial measure but one that FFA would be well within its right to take."

The problem is that Kewell has signed multiple sponsorship deals with errectile dysfnction companies, in a hope to enlarge his own penis and bank account.

Even with Kewell on their side, doubts remain about Melbourne's chances this season. Many pundits have already written them off, expecting the fallen giants to be a mid-table team at best, possibly sneaking into the finals with a bit of luck. Meanwhile, rivals SYDNEY FC have strengthened their squad with star Socceroo Brett Emerton who has said he wants Harry Kewell's head on a pike by the end of the season.

Why Does Eminem Hate Poland?

POLISH fans of the real Slim Shady have experienced a relapse of their infinite sadness, as the Eminem show has yet again passed over their fine country (which is in a period of economic recovery), causing fans to cry "Without me!??"...just like toy soldiers. Encore.


We all know that feel

Much like Eminem's fictional biggest fan, Stan, the Polish public are pissed off and possibly ready to engage in a tragic murder/suicide over the fact that the white rap singer's latest tour dates do not include the land of waffles and eggplants.

The first rumors indicating that Eminem might hate Poland began to surface in 2003 after an interview with Spin magazine where Eminem was quoted saying "I don't not hate Poland" and "Why can't we just wipe Poland off the map?"

Lars, who works at Warsaw record shop 'Muzant', said that although many of his customers are concerned about the issue, Eminem's views on Poland have not damaged his popularity. "Every week someone asks me when Eminem is coming! Given the number of Eminem appearances in our fine country (zero) I think it's safe to say that he really hates us. What did we ever do to him?"


An artist's rendition of the face Eminem made as he vomited over a Polish flag and lit it on fire

Polish Minister of Foreign Affairs Radoslaw Sikorski was less enthusiastic about the prospect of a visit from Marshall Mathers, citing his facial hair as a potential stumbling block. "Mr Eminem will either shave that stubble or grow a beard before I will allow him into the country. He looks like a boy!"

The drama continues. It remains to be seen whether the real Slim Shady has a guilty conscience but we will have to wait and see if he will visit Poland to sing, for the moment.

WARNING: DANGEROUS MAN "IMMORTAL TECHNIQUE" TO TOUR AUSTRALIA

IT has come to the attention of SkipHopz that famous Mexican rap singer "Immortal Technique" plans to assault our shores later this year. Our sea girt home will provide no protection against this angry boat man who intends to kidnap our women to work in his cocaine blunt rolling factories and assassinate our Governors General.

The shocking news was broken by the appearance of an internet page on Facebook. Mr Technique has proclaimed that he will stage a military coup/tour Australia once this page receives 5000 likes.



Australian immigration officials have not responded to my questions about whether Immortal Technique will be allowed into the country. Here are some important "facts" to keep in mind regarding Mr Technique (if that is his actual name?)

• He once stood in the middle of a road causing a traffic jam with 5 buses just so he could take an admittedly amusing photo which has not been edited in any way
  
• He enjoys Coke Zero, claiming it tastes a lot like Coke
• His idea of a revolution is changing the scent of his Ambi Pur home fragrance
  
• He refuses to deny that he went to jail for putting a scorpion inside a Kinder Surprise egg. What does he have to hide?
• He once caused a big mess in the cereal aisle of a supermarket. It took me ages to clean up and I know it was him

One more thing to think about: How does he know so much about the illuminati if he isn't one of them?

90s Rappers: where are they now???

The 90s were the golden age of rap. Wealthy industrialists invested heavily in rap stocks and the funky cold medina was plentiful. Nobody could have guessed that the jiggy rap crash of the early 2000s was only a few short years away.

Have you ever wondered what happened to your favourite rappers from the 90s? In this new series of regular posts I will give u the 411 on these one hit wonders...


WILL "BIG WILLIE" SMITH
Famous for: His mom getting scared, relocating to cohabitate with relatives in the Los Angeles suburb of Bel Air. Blowing up the white house.
Where is he now: Making another Bad Boys movie. I am not making this up.


SNOW
Famous for: Being white. Ruining MC Shan's career with his infamous hit single 'Informer' (WARNING: DO NOT CLICK, YOU WILL BE SORRY)
Where is he now: Mysteriously out of prison, not being hassled by police at all. Meanwhile all his former friends are no doubt rotting in jail and out for revenge. The drama continues.


NAS
Famous for: Being dissed by our lord and savior Jay-Z.
Where is he now: Changed his name to 'N' (just one syllable). Allegedly still releasing music, probably on some small label nobody cares about.

BEEF ROUNDUP

last week beef kicked off on the ozhiphop forums when the famous turntable jedi DJ SHEEP called out DJ BUTCHER of the "crate creeps" crew

"he’s a chump without any records and just a bunch of MP3s… Crate Creeps need to change their name to the MP3 masters or some shit."

SHEEP apparently had some beef with BUTCHER over cash owed for a track. he also called out DJ CUTLOOSE and "DJ LL Cool James", saying he wanted to battle them all. the thread was mysteriously deleted, twice, but has been reposted on Peak Street.

the beef took a dramatic turn when oz hip hop legend BIAS B called out SHEEP on twitter as a hypocrite.



the drama continues...

NEW RAPPER: all about SYKO

SYKO is one of australias hottest new rappers straight out of the mean streets of Compton on Sydneys north shore. he has been making a splash with over 20 people showing up to his gigs, over 30 friends on facebook, over 50 twitter followers and over 8 contact numbers in his phone. he released a big budget video for his first single which has over 100 views on youtube!



this song is all about SYKO's special girl who is also his sister. no society taboo will come between there love!

SYKO began writing music at the age of 13 when he released a mixtape which was downloaded by 30000 people (without any heavy promotion!). from there his career took off and be began playing shows to crowds of approximately 60,000-70,000 while being named RAPPER OF THE YEAR, no shit. His first album is still in the works so dont sleep on it.

on his second song "never the same" SYKO slows things down for tha ladies on sum T-PAIN shit. the song is all about finding out youre gay and you have to leave your girlfriend behind. unfortunatly the autotune sounds weak and you cant dance to it, so expect this to flop harder than Vlade Divac in a flopping competition. he also has zero swag, btw.

I think SYKO needs to get sum better producers and hooks if he wants to be a rap superman. otherwise he should jump on his candy painted fixie and ride home. but dont take my word for it, heres what others are saying...

"gay lookn superman shirt, gay green hat and nerd glasses " -PatosBreegz

" I'm getting pretty excited about how bad this guy is. " - Billybee

"This song very meaningful i like it " -bipola



read more about SYKO and jerk off to the pictures on his offical website http://www.sykomusic.com/