Bill Cosby Dead Following Freak "Accident"

According to official sources, actor and comedian Bill Cosby has passed away following a freak accident on the set of Dancing with the Stars.

The tragic accident happened during a rehearsal while filming at ABC Studios. Cosby was attempting to perform a waltz when he partner, a professional samba instructor, threw him into the air. Cosby landed awkwardly on his ankle, causing it to snap on impact. His leg collapsed on jagged piece of bone, piercing an artery. Doctors attempted to amputate and stop the flow of blood but were unable to save Bill Cosby's life. He died in the ambulance while being rushed to hospital.

Cosby's inclusion in the show was controversial. He was brought in as a last-minute replacement for Gary Busey who was unable to commit to the filming schedule. A fan poll on the official Dancing website picked Cosby as the most wanted celebrity.

Earlier in the week Cosby posted a candid video to Youtube where he expressed doubts about his dancing skills, making chilling comments like "Kids these days with their breakdance and their mambo number 5. Maybe its time for this old man to shuffle off the stage."

Rap News Roundup - September 2013

Disgraced diva Rihanna was looking no worse for wear following her kidnapping at the hands of Somali Pirates. She was seen at the beach hollering something about a tsunami warning system, whatever that means. I think she was looking for a marine biologist but nobody could understand her accent. The water at this beach has receded really far!

Rap superstar Eminem walked into the Detroit DMV and announced he would pay for everyone's motor vehicle insurance. He was in a great mood until I began to pester him with questions. Pestered him for a good 5 minutes before his handlers escorted me away. Still no word on Detox, btw.

Reports indicate that vegan rapper Phatchance was seen at a local park surrounded by kittens. He had a variety of nuts and legumes roasting on the communal BBQ. He asked if I wanted a 'steak' as I slowly backed away and broke into a mad dash.

I spotted Ludacris at my 5-year-old cousin's birthday party on the weekend. Luda was folding party balloons into obscene shapes and waving them around. Nobody invited him but he was definitely the life of the party!

Your Boy Bangs has allegedly locked himself in a sporting goods store and is staging mock battles from WW2 using cricket equipment. Perhaps filming a viral video for his new mixtape?

Jackie Chan Not Dead

It has come to the attention of SKIP HOPZ DOT COM that famous movieman Jackie "Channers" Chan is alive and well. The news has come as a shock to millions of fans who thought he was dead following a post on popular truth website Yahoo Answers:

Yes he is dead, he died on set of his asian meets black comedy Mush Dower 4. Piss Blucker was going around the set swinging his leg around trying to act like he knew something about martial arts. Then, all of a sudden, the asswipe kicks a shelf that is holding loaded glock 17s, they all fell to the ground and as they hit the ground the guns went off.

They all fired and every single bullet hit Jackie in the face except for one, which hit him in the ear. Piss Blucker then decided to go to his trailer and snorted large amounts of baking soda. By the time the police got him out of his trailer he turned white due to all the stuff he snorted, then, he died after that. Piss Blucker never said he was sorry, for Jackies death.

At Skiphopz we believe that truth and integrity is the cornerstone of journalism and we stand by all our previous stories, as well as the stories on our sister site TheGlobalDaily.net (which is still under maintenance following the attacks by Chinese Hackors and The Script Kiddies)

Alien Planet Supports Life, All Manchester United Fans

NASA held a press conference today confirming that the Voyager space probe had crashed on a previously unknown planet 8.2 light years from earth. As the damaged probe beamed back scientific data and video it was revealed that the alien beings who inhabit this world are huge fans of English soccer team Manchester United.

Head scientist Dr. Waleed Abdalati admitted he was baffled at first. As soon as the spherical Voyager probe crashed it was picked up by one of the local inhabitants and carried to one of the many nearby soccer pitches where humanoid creatures took turns dribbling and kicking it into an empty net, in an imitation of Ryan Giggs' 'goal of the century'. The indigenous life forms of the planet 61 Vir B are similar to humans, the main physiological differences being a larger cranium, a single eye instead of two and an intense obsession with all things Manchester United.

The probe also recorded footage of the surrounding streets, which are all named after former Manchester United players. A row of solid gold statues depicting former United star Cristiano Ronaldo stands on a nearby piazza. Twice a day the alien beings will stop whatever they are doing and run to a nearby TV to observe the sacred Manchester United training session. The local culture is quite advanced, they even have their own version of the internet which is conducted through futuristic fax machines however it is mostly used for fantasy football and streaming Sky Sports and MUTV so they can watch every minute of Manchester United matches and revel in their victories, despite living 7.75763329 × 10^16 meters away from Old Trafford.

NASA experts are divided about the ramifications of this amazing discovery. Dr Abdalati pondered "Does this mean signals from Earth were received by this fledgeling species or could Manchester United's genetic material be carried through space on a meteorite, populating many planets in the universe like a dandelion seed floating on cosmic winds? It could also indicate that Manchester United is an inherent property of space-time itself, guaranteed to manifest itself wherever intelligent life is found."

The latest signals from Voyager have revealed that the locals are gearing up for the end of the season, preparing for the time when they must all become Los Angeles Lakers fans.

Tila Tequila Strangled by Komodo Dragons

Myspace hottie Miss Tila Tequila (30) was found dead last night in her Los Angeles townhouse. Her naked body was surrounded by 12 fully grown komodo dragons which apparently strangled her while she slept. The alarm was raised by a neighbour who heard Miss Tequila's death scream at approximately 3 a.m. By the time an ambulance arrived the lizards had already begun to feed, ripping strips of flesh from Tequila's breasts and thighs. Once her perfect skin and toned muscles were penetrated her organs were easy pickings for the giant lizards, who tore open her ribcage and feasted with reckless abandon. Witnesses report her body being a bloody mess, with guts strewn over the floorboards like so many Persian rugs and blood dripping ominously down the stairs from her bedroom on the upper floor.

Paramedics had to call an animal control company to gain access to the room, as the lizards were hissing loudly and some people on the scene believed they were able to breathe fire also. A police spokesperson said that the dragons had to be killed, to prevent a full scale rampage. According to pop sensation Elton John the dragons lived their lives like candles in the wind; never knowing who to strangle when hunger set in.

1981-2011, never forget

Tequila was looking after the lizards for her friend Ashton Kutcher while he was away filming new episodes of Two and a Half Men. He tried to warn her that the lizards are dangerous, and continued to send her messages on twitter about how to properly care for the rare creatures and feed them on time to prevent strangulation. The komodo dragon, also known as the komodo monitor, can grow up to 3 metres in length.

Tila Tequila was known for being "the baddest bitch on the block", a talented rapper and model who was adored by billions of fans worldwide. She was the most popular whore on Myspace for several years. She won a number of awards, including Bravo's "A-List Drama Queen", "Entertainer of the Year" and an Academy Award for her (uncredited) role in the movie Titanic as 'Floating Debris #6'.

News of Tila Tequila's death received a mixed response online, with many loyal Tilaholics expressing their grief and heartfelt sadness through Facebook status and Youtube comments. However her detractors were also out in full force with one particularly unhinged man tweeting "those lizards accomplished in 1 night what i tried to do my whole life!!!". Some conspiracy theorists have even floated the idea that Kutcher wanted to bump off his rival Tila Tequila once and for all. Kutcher's lizard training skills are no secret; we all know he learned how to make komodo dragons strangle people on the set of the new Gary Busey biopic. At the time of writing he has denied to comment on the allegations.

MTV will be showing a special tribute to the brave komodo dragons on Sunday followed by Tequila's funeral, a pay-per-view event featuring performances by her lifelong friend Justin Bieber and The Black Eyed Peas.

DEEP WEB: Reptillian conspiracy

in this new exciting series of posts i will bring you hidden truths unearthed from the Underweb. Dont worry about me...I am behind 7 proxies.



Today i am introducing the REPTILIANS. they are a species of lizardmen who landed on planet Earth. we know of the reptilians from brave scholars such as Riley Martin, Zecharia Sitchin, Dale Russell, Paul Shockley and John Rhodes.

Top secret reports uncovered by project blue book indicate the reptilians appeared in 1967. They are a race of intelligent, highly developed reptile-like humanoids. Some authors also refer to them as dinosauroids, lizardfolk or lizardmen. Other names include Draconians, Scalie Heavies and Sauroids. Leading reptilian scholars have discovered that they travelled here from the planet Xylomyte of the Infinite Dimensions to prevent nuclear catastrophe during the cold war. JFK took a shining to the lizardfolk and they have been at the center of American power ever since, transforming the US into a superpower.

The home base of REPTILIAN power is the Deep Springs underground base in California. Several ex-government officials have explained that the Reptilians are using humans to develop a new technology there, with a plan to complete their main project in 2012. Brave reporters risked their lives to photograph several large telescopes that they have built. Purpose unknown.

IN MY NEXT ARTICLE: How reptilians are controlling China and how this relates to the disappearance of Dr Toynbee's plan to ruserrect the dead on planet Jupiter