Aussie Rap Celeb Sightings

Hip hop hottie IGGY AZALEA was smoking hot at Bondi Beach yesterday. She was directing some young children to build a BMX track out of sand. Somebody tried to explain that you cant ride bikes on sand and the tide was coming in but she soldiered on regardless.

I just had a close encounter with the main man CHANCE WATERS at McDonalds. He was holding up the drive-thru by ordering nothing but fries and salads, asking the cashier how the lettuce and potatoes were transported. After delivering his monologue he eventually drove away without getting anything.

Rap battle dude DECOY was allegedly seen officiating a rap battle between 2 dogs in a supermarket carpark. He gave up after his Shure SM58 became covered in drool, declaring that the dogs had squashed the beef and it was time to move on.

I saw rapping sensation 360 at my local gym, he is there all the time. Once again he was wiping sweat off the exercise machines and squeezing it into tiny green bottles, I couldn't get close enough to read the yellowing labels. I hope he gets enough sweat!

WHAT IF HIP HOP DIED IN 1988?

Torcha's dad said hip hop was gonna die in 1988. What if he was right???

SkipHopZ presents...
HIP HOP TIMELINES: AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

1988
KRS One champions the cause of long dead industrialist Jordan L. Mott from the South Bronx who invented a type of coal-fired cast-iron stove, he continues to loudly remind everyone that he was not from Queensbridge

1989
"Nobody beats The Biz!" is the slogan of Biz Markie's short-lived used car dealership

1990
Lemonade sales reach an all-time low, millions unemployed as factories close and the economy collapses in the 'Great Fizzy Yellow Depression'

1991
People suspect those House of Pain guys might be Irish but there is no way of telling for sure

1992
MC Hammer is constantly complaining about how people keep touching him

1993
Ice Cube receives a speeding ticket and later says to himself "Police can be quite annoying sometimes"

1996
Critics attack Will Smith for his performance in Independence Day, asking "Cant this guy do ANYTHING else apart from act?"

1998
DMX is pretty much just a normal guy. Ruff Ryding means something totally different.

1999
A young Marshall Mathers creates a minor controversy by doing his job at a local lumber mill with the mannerisms of a black person, several white kids start copying him

2000
Nelly finishes his degree and moves to the country, becomes a grammar teacher 

2001
Bad Boy is not for life

2002
A mime named Kanye West almost dies in a car accident, doctors amputate the lower half of his face

2003
Born with no usable talents 50 Cent dies trying to get rich.

2004
Jay-Z mysteriously becomes CEO of Microsoft for some reason. Hires Rhianna to be lead programmer on Windows Vista, puts Memphis Bleek in charge of marketing and gets Benie Siegel for security. He will be fired 2 years later.

2005 
Madlib gets high and composes the weirdest opera ever

2008
Nas quits his job at an accounting firm because his boss kept asking him to reproduce those amazing spreadsheets he made in 1994

2011
Biggie Smalls buys Tupac an ipad for his birthday. Now he can watch Game of Thrones on the go