Skiphopz Acquired by CNN

Reuters - 11:31 AM
Washington DC

MEDIA giant CNN will be purchasing popular rap and celebrity news website Skiphopz Dot Com, according to a press conference held at the CNN Broadcast Centre earlier this morning.

CNN boss Phil Kent was all smiles as he announced the deal, believed to be worth approximately $2.5 million (USD). He praised the journalistic integrity of the anonymous Skiphopz journalists, noting that they were the first media outlet to run with the story of Bill Cosby’s death.

Skiphopz CEO Forum Noob was also present at the press conference. He shook hands with Kent and handed over the keys to the blog as he addressed the audience of CNN reporters: “This is a new era in world-wide-web news reporting. We are pleased to be so warmly welcomed into the CNN family.”

There are plans for a complete redesign of the Skiphopz home page, Noob announced, including a JavaScript news ticker and the possibility of a spinoff ‘Skiphopz Spanish’ page.

The deal also includes Skiphopz sister site The Global Daily, a troubled news website which has been under constant attack from the Russian Spammors and Chinese Hackors for more than 5 years.

The buyout is seen by industry insiders as an aggressive grab for internet credibility by the aging media network. CNN’s ratings have been dipping lower and lower each year and they trail other major news outlets in online engagement.

Bill Cosby Dead Following Freak "Accident"

According to official sources, actor and comedian Bill Cosby has passed away following a freak accident on the set of Dancing with the Stars.

The tragic accident happened during a rehearsal while filming at ABC Studios. Cosby was attempting to perform a waltz when he partner, a professional samba instructor, threw him into the air. Cosby landed awkwardly on his ankle, causing it to snap on impact. His leg collapsed on jagged piece of bone, piercing an artery. Doctors attempted to amputate and stop the flow of blood but were unable to save Bill Cosby's life. He died in the ambulance while being rushed to hospital.

Cosby's inclusion in the show was controversial. He was brought in as a last-minute replacement for Gary Busey who was unable to commit to the filming schedule. A fan poll on the official Dancing website picked Cosby as the most wanted celebrity.

Earlier in the week Cosby posted a candid video to Youtube where he expressed doubts about his dancing skills, making chilling comments like "Kids these days with their breakdance and their mambo number 5. Maybe its time for this old man to shuffle off the stage."

Is THE GAME a clone of 50 CENT and DR DRE? I'm just asking questions!

New evidence has come to light in the curious case of popular rap singer THE GAME and his mysterious origins, calling into question the "official story" they want us to believe.

"The Game sounds eeriely like a clone of Dr. Dre as he spits his shit"
-RapReviews.com

When The Game was shot on October 1st 2001 he was rushed to hospital and went into a coma for three days. On the fourth day, hospital staff entered his room and found him missing! A security tape later surfaced showing 50 Cent and Dr Dre entering the building at approximately 2:15 AM on the morning of October 5th. The hospital refused to investigate the matter further. In 2005 MTV interviewed Dr Dre but he refused to answer any questions about the incident.

The truth is that Dre and 50 knew The Game from a young age and followed his progress closely. They groomed him to be the perfect rapping machine, giving him classic rap albums to listen to and explaining the finer points of hip hop culture, like how to roll a blunt and all about those spinning rims.

After escaping the hospital, The Game was rushed to Dr Dre's home studio where a team of interns prepped him for surgery. Dr Dre leaned over his body and whispered into his ear "You are ready, my son." 50 Cent then injected him with a DNA infusion (combined with frozen stem cells taken from the corpse of Eazy-E, after Dr Dre figured out how to cure and remove the AIDS) and the transformation was complete.

From this point on The Game was a totally different person. He was already an accomplished rapper but the DNA of 50 and Dre was making him into a rap superstar the likes of which the world had never seen. His body was the same but the mind had transformed beyond recognition.

After the release of The Documentary everything seemed to be going well. The Game was offered a seat a Dr Dre's table and ate dinner with his family every night. He coddled the young man the same way he coddled Eminem, making beats for him and even buying him a Lambo for his birthday. The Game responded in kind, surprising Dr Dre by getting a tattoo of his album The Chronic.

Their close relationship was making 50 Cent jealous, he resented the role Dre was playing as a father. 50 was not satisfied with The Game's debut album. He wanted to take over the entire rap game. He wanted to make The Game into a mercenary, a natural born killer, and just diss everyone.

This new direction did not sit well with The Game. He lashed out at 50, and one of the most epic feuds in the history of rap was born. Dr Dre was disappointed with this turn of events but 50 Cent ended up getting exactly what he wanted by finally unleashing The Game's hidden potential, to the benefit of rap fans worldwide.

Sources used for this post:
Hip Hop Horror Theories
IMDB Biography - The Game
RapReviews - Doctor's Advocate
Youtube - 'clones from ancient egypt..obama..michael jackson..50 cent..illuminati past life conspiracy'